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she sent me a card.....maybe I imagined it all?

Posted by shrinking violet on May 21, 2005, at 12:07:41

In reply to Re: i wore her out » shrinking violet, posted by Jazzed on May 20, 2005, at 18:10:01

So i wake up this morning to find that I got a paper back from one of my professors (A-), and a certified mail envelope which I knew it's from my T, as she said she was going to send me a list of referrals. She sent me a typewritten note urging me to reconsider IP (which was a bit odd, b/c the letter is dated May 19, which was Thursday, and I had spoken to her the day before, on Wed and she knew I was thinking of getting in, so I'm not sure why the discrepancy there, but anyway....) and gave me some names of T's that she thinks would be helpful, and for me to call her if she can help with anything. All very professional but not cold, and I was expecting it as she told me she would send me a list.

Then she included a card and she thanked me for my gifts, and she said "It was evident our time together meant a great deal to you."

Um, to ME?! Just to me?! I dont know what kind of game she's playing here, I really dont. How can you be two different people with someone? The things she'd say to me, the things we'd share.....And she acts like it didnt mean anything. Maybe it didnt, maybe she was pulling some T trick and I fell for it good. She told me she couldn't turn her caring "on and off," well, she's doing a darn good job right now. Now if I send her a card or a letter calling her on this stuff, it's just going to look like I'm trying to persue a friendship or something, and it might make her tell me to leave her alone. :-( What do I do? How can I just forget and pretend, the way she is? Or maybe it was all in my head, maybe I imagined the whole thing. Or maybe I should just try to forget about it all, regardless. But I can't/won't let her slide this under the rug, I won't. If she wants to, fine. But I need to discuss this with her, even if it's a one-way dialogue in a letter, even if I never hear from her.....But could I handle that? I don't know.

I just need an acknowledgement form her, at least. For her to say, "yes, we do care deeply for one another, we have a special connection, and it's sad and tragic that we aren't able to explore that more and it had to end the way it did just b/c of the way we met."

And as much as I keep wondering if it's me, if I imagined all of this, or took it too far, I know I didn't. You don't tell a client that she's "in your heart" if she means nothing more than any other client might. When we listened to the CD I made her, she came over and hugged me, and we touched foreheads and, without speaking, found each other's hand and squeezed them together....There are probably a hundred more little interactions like that I could list if I needed to; You don't find that kind of connection with someone every day.

Or do you? I don't know.....I DON'T KNOW.

Why is she doing this? :-(

I won't cry, I wont......


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poster:shrinking violet thread:500434
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050521/msgs/500741.html