Posted by pinkeye on May 13, 2005, at 15:41:46
In reply to Re: Can I ask you all something? **trigger** » pinkeye, posted by JenStar on May 12, 2005, at 23:25:22
> Pinkeye, I'm sorry to hear that you don't like yourself right now. I hope that changes. I hope you can see the wonderfulness in youself! Because you ARE an awesome, interesting, smart, fun person. And you deserve a man who sees that in you and treats you with respect.
I am realizing more and more that I never liked myself much. I thought I liked myself, but that was very superficial. I think I never thought of myself as fully capable of being a good woman. I always thought I shouldn't marry a good man - because it would spoil his life. Still I am very emotionally troubled person. I am anxious, tensed, and agitated many times.. and I don't know how to be serene and calm and happy and peaceful. My mind is lot better than my emotions are.. when I operate out of my mind, I am in full control, but when I operate out of my emotional self, I completey mess things us.
>
> I believe you T could be right - after so many years of being treated like a "second class citizen" by your dad -- even though he loved you of a kind, in his own strange way -- you are no longer capable of thinking of yourself like a first class person that you are.
>
> It might be something you need to work on - respecting yourself and demanding it from others, esp. your husband. However, if your husband is steeped in a culture and tradition that believes woman are inferior, there is little chance he will ever change. Either you need to accept him and that life (no!!!) or you need to change yourself, which might mean leaving him.My husband is a good guy - very nice and affectionate for the most part. And I think he is stressed as well, and acts rash sometimes.
But good thing is, he is trying to understand things a lot.. so there is hope.
But somehow I never really think too much about him. I don't feel so connected to him.. or maybe I feel connected to him, but I am not able to kind of rely on him. I always feel I need to do things..even though I do know that he is responsible.
My guess is, my problems with my hsuband right now, has more to do with me (my problems with my dad) than really to do with him.
>
> I know that right NOW you don't feel emotionally ready to do it. But maybe there is a reserve of strength in you. I mean, if you're sad and lonely in a bad relationship, you're kind of alone anyway, right? Wouldn't it be better to be free and able to start over? I don't know if your relationshipw ith your hubby is to that point, or if it's salvagable. But I DO know that you will need to take a stand for yourself and make sure that you get the respect you deserve. There could be any number of reasons why you are the way you are, but you have the choice to change if you want to. At least, that's what I believe!I also believe in that - that I can change now.. that is what I am trying to do. I think maybe the problme is I need someone little older than me as a husband, and whom I can fully trust and depend on. I am not able to visualize my husband like that.. so there is always a little disconcert in the relationship.
>
> In any case, I do like myself most of the time, although there are many things I wish I could improve or change. I love my husband dearly. He loves me, treats me kindly. We laugh and joke and share things together. He is supportive. I love him and feel lucky to have him.
>
> I wish you all the best.
> JenStarThanks Jenstar. For me reading aobut other people's good relationship with men in their life is pretty interesting. Because in my family circle, I don't think any man used to respect their wives. And I always thought that is how things are everywhere. Only when I started working, and started meeting other good men, I realized that men could be good also. It was a turning point in my life.
poster:pinkeye
thread:496916
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050513/msgs/497408.html