Posted by Tamar on May 6, 2005, at 3:10:36
In reply to Re: Something that interests me., posted by happyflower on May 5, 2005, at 0:27:17
> What I don't get is why does our feelings have to be either transference or projection? Why can't they just be what we really feel for real about T? Is T a ghost that really isn't a person? Personally I think the idea of transference is a load of do do. I think it is just a way for a t to emotionally protect himself so he can remain neutrual with us. If he can label are feelings as something else that is real, he is more comfortable with it then if he thought the feelings are really for him. JMHO
This is my take on it:
The complicated thing is that the feelings ARE real and your therapist IS a person. Attributing these feelings to transference doesn't make them less real. But to some extent transference feelings are disproportionate to the relationship.
I sometimes think it's a bit like the 'love at first sight' thing. I will swear that I fell in love with my husband the day I met him, but in fact I suppose I saw things in him that I love in other people. That’s transference too. I could have been mistaken in thinking he had those qualities, which would have led to disappointment and the end of our relationship. But, happily for me, I found that he did indeed have some of those qualities, and other qualities that also appeal to me. However, I had to get to know him pretty well to find out all about him. So yes, I think my feelings of love for my husband that first day were real, but they weren’t entirely about my husband. I really came to love him when I got to know him.
The same happens when I make new friends. I often take a liking to people who remind me of other people I already like. That’s transference too, and it’s a good thing because it gives a new friendship a starting-point. And then I learn more about the person and his or her character, and I find the liking comes to be about *that* person as an individual.
The difference is that we don’t ever really get to know our Ts. So although the feelings are real, they’re never authenticated by developing a personal relationship. And if a T does develop a personal relationship with a client, then it’s not really therapy any more. On the other hand: in therapy, the transference feelings can give us clues to old feelings of abandonment (for example) that we need to work through.
So yes, your feelings are real. You really do like your T because he is an interesting person, and because you have things in common with him. Nevertheless, some of it is probably transference. If he’s a good T he won’t use the idea of transference to protect himself from you but to help you in therapy.
Just my two cents...
Tamar
poster:Tamar
thread:493400
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/494377.html