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Re: I'm cured

Posted by alexandra_k on May 5, 2005, at 1:29:37

In reply to Re: Thanks everyone. » Pfinstegg, posted by alexandra_k on May 4, 2005, at 23:39:05

And there it is.
I have decided.
Assessment is fairly subjective anyway
Based mostly on self report.
At least it is for the range of dx that have been considered in my case.
Don't report that anymore and the problem is gone
'No longer meets criteria'.
I mean.
If I can get a MDE based on a hospital admission
And my self report of not feeling too good for a while
Then I can surely get no MDE
By keeping my damned mouth shut.
If I can get BPD by studying the symptoms
And emphasisting things in that light
And no longer meeting the criteria for BPD
By denying those symptoms
And get DID based on self report
Then I shall just keep my damned mouth shut and there it is.
Cured.
Hurrah.
I do think...
I do think a lot of the time
That all of this...
All of these dx are just a load of sh*t.
MDE untill that goes on and on
Solely on the basis of my repeatedly saying
'I am not okay'.
Then BPD.
And what about this last 'revelation'.
The f*cking system PRODUCES this sh*t in people.
The lengths some people will go to to try and get
A little help.
That was all I wanted.
Someone who could shut up with lecturing me
And actually listen
And be there.
But that is too much to ask
'not in my job description'
Apparantly.
And there it is.

I'm not going to get treatment.
It simply isn't an option for the next 5 years or so.
And I just have to accept that.

Well...
I could probably get treatment sooner.
But that would involve giving up on the places where I most want to study.
Should I pick to study somewhere just because treatment is an option for me if I go there?
No.
I don't believe so.
Of course I could just give up.
Stay here.
Wait two years or however long.

Is that what they want me to do?
Is that what they are trying to drive me to?
Like they drove me to MDE?
BPD?
DID?

But that is cutting off ones nose to spite ones face.

Had enough now.
I'm cured.
No longer meet the criteria for sh*t.
I promise.

 

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poster:alexandra_k thread:492951
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050504/msgs/493963.html