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Re: How do I forgive » pinkeye

Posted by Tamar on May 1, 2005, at 14:00:30

In reply to Re: How do I forgive » Tamar, posted by pinkeye on May 1, 2005, at 12:07:58


It’s natural to want to defend your dad, because you love him and he loves you. But despite his love for you, he hurt you. So in a way you were victimised, I think. Even if he never really meant to hurt you, you were still hurt.

My dad was quite violent towards me, especially when I was a teenager. He thought it was OK because fathers are supposed to discipline their children. I suppose he was right, but he went too far: it was too violent. I know he didn’t intend to harm me, but what he did caused harm (for example it affected my performance at school because I was so stressed). I was very angry for some time, but I made my peace with it a few years ago, though even now I occasionally feel a bit angry about it. But now it’s possible for me to be angry at his actions without hating him.

Maybe there are losses in your life that are directly related to your dad’s abuse, and maybe you need to grieve for them. Anger is part of that grief. Does grief make more sense to you than anger?

Tamar


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