Posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 14:37:11
In reply to Need to Have a Good Talk with New T., posted by Susan47 on March 2, 2005, at 12:10:06
Oh I can be such a rude bitch. Can't I? I mean, it's not his fault I burned him out, totally, totally, totally. He knew it would happen, too, he predicted this. He said "You're afraid you're going to drive me crazy" you know, like I drove my dad crazy? Well, but I did, I made him crazy with anger.
Rambling, and I don't need to apologize either. If you're reading this it must be okay with you on some level. It's why sometimes threads have no response, sometimes they don't get read, and that's actually okay I guess. I just need to be here, talking to myself. Because I had a really interesting therapy session today.
It was SO Interesting. Unbelievable, how so much can happen between two people in an intensely focussed hour.
And now I'm going to post about the hour. Because I want to. And because it's safe. She knows I come to a site. She knows about all the phone calls to my ex-T, she knows I made one today. She knows what I said, what I say. She knows I burned him out. She knows (she said this too!) it was very difficult for him and for me. She knows I'm afraid for her to talk to him. She may get me to sign forms next week, but I'm afraid if he talks to her I'll be diminished. And I will. He'll diminish me. Because I'm small in his eyes, teeny tiny and annoying, like that mosquito that just won't go away, it won't QUIT BUZZING damn it. It's always in your ear, too, after the lights go out. Turn on the lights, bam the fr*gging thing disappears. There's something in that analogy, Susan.
poster:Susan47
thread:465442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/465503.html