Posted by pinkeye on February 21, 2005, at 13:46:19
In reply to Re: therapists and washing machines, posted by Susan47 on February 19, 2005, at 20:29:35
Hi Susan,
I certainly don't mind. I am glad to be of any help if I can be.I really don't have a clue as to what he thinks of me. I would like to know myself too :-).
I haven't seen him personally for over a year, so I have extra difficulty in understanding what he thinks.. if I had face to face interaction, there would have been lots of nonverbal cues I could have gone by, but I rely on emails so I have to go by the few words that he writes, which makes it extra hard.I know he thinks of me as quite accomplished, and smart and capable. He initially didn't like me - from what I understood he had told my husband but subsequently may have changed his opinion seeing the sincere efforts that I put in and perhaps the genuine interest that I showed in learning and changing and working with him. But these are judgements about my brain power. Not about me as a person. I really don't have much of a clue as to what he thinks of me as a person. I would like to believe he liked me a little bit atleast, but I don't know for sure. And I will perhaps never know. That is hard, but I don't know if I will ever receive an answer from him even if I asked again and again.
But irrespective of whether he liked me or not, he went out of the way to help me. So I owe him a lot in my life. And I promised him that I would live well and pass on what he gave me to others. I promised him that I would never ever get into self destructive thinking or mental quirks again in my lifetime. And that is a promise that I am planning to keep for my lifetime.
I guess the real crux of your question is, how to move on after this and make use of yourself in a non destructive way? The answer is, it is only a personal commitment you make to yourself. It is a choice we all make in our life - consciously or subconsciously - either to live well or to engage in self destructive behaviour. To look at the glass half full and be happy or to look at the glass half empty and be sad. Agreed, that lot of external circumstances play a role in how we feel and how we end up. But irrespective of that, the basic desire to live well, and to grab on to whatever happiness and joy we can find in our life, has to come from within you. And trust in God helps a long way in keeping that basic optimism in life. And I have always believed that I can create a paradise inside me, even if the world is very wild - to have that inner sense of peace and undisturbed attitute like a child. But that was soemthing I never knew how to. Slowly I am learning how to.
Have I answered your question?
Pinkeye.
poster:pinkeye
thread:460174
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/461359.html