Posted by LG04 on February 18, 2005, at 4:35:54
In reply to Little Earthquakes (Life Sucks Eggs), posted by messadivoce on February 18, 2005, at 3:27:32
i too am awake, at 4 a.m., but for no good reason.
i feel so much for you.
calling your therapist2 is not being dependent AT ALL. it is OBJECTIVELY not being dependent. you had a relationship with this person, an intimate one. and you had one phone call from her to tell you that she is leaving...there is not a person in the world who would say that is adequate. OF COURSE you want to speak with her again. if nothing else, then for closure. you are a human being, not a robot.
i encourage you not to hold back from calling. that's just adding to the damage and hurting yourself more. it's the one thing you do have control over right now. you can call her. she said it's okay. it's too much to end the relationship with a sudden phone call. it's not about being stoic vs. dependent. it's about treating yourself with the respect you deserve. clear and simple. it's about being human.
and maybe you two can figure out a way to meet several times to do some processing, a place to express your feelings about this, and an attempt at an appropriate ending. maybe in a small room in the library or somewhere public but yet where there is privacy. can you afford to pay her? if not, maybe she'll work something out with you.
don't leave it like this. it's not good for you. it's not a healthy way to end. i'm sure she knows that. it's not good for her either! therapists also need closure. she sounded upset when she called you, remember? i'm sure this doesn't feel good or right to her either. but therapists generally don't call clients. it's a boundary thing. we call them. call her and ask her in what ways she is able to be available to you right now. meetings, phone calls, emails, what are your options? there are always options. right now you feel totally powerless. but there are options. find out what they are.
i don't know anything about therapist1, how it ended or anything. but if calling him feels like a real option, then consider that too.
i would really push the people at the meeting to provide a means for you to have closure with your therapist. it is truly their responsibility to make sure you receive this. it should have been a part of their plan to begin with. they needed to plan for all contigencies, with their students as top priority. and if they refuse, go to the next higher up. write a letter to the school paper about it or call the paper so a reporter can do a story on it. i am sure the health services will not want publicity on this. getting the media involved can be very effective.
pretend this is happening to a close friend. what would you advise that person? maybe that will help you. i am so hard on myself but with others, i am much more gentle and kind, which is how i should be with myself. are you that way? if so, pretend this was happening to a fellow Babbler. what would you suggest?
the jealousy makes complete sense. good for you for getting it out. anything you feel makes sense. it's such a triggering situation. and anger, well i am furious and it's not even happening to me. you are right. it's not fair.
take extra extra good care of yourself right now.
hope you can go to sleep, it's real important right now to get enough sleep. being overtired will multiply your emotions by 1,000. play some soothing music, take a hot bath, light a candle, anything to calm your thoughts enough so that you can sleep.thinking about you,
LG04
poster:LG04
thread:459738
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/459741.html