Posted by littleone on February 15, 2005, at 15:09:03
In reply to Dissociative Compartmentalization, posted by littleone on February 13, 2005, at 15:53:22
Thank you for your replies. I do mean what both of you said, but also more. I don't really know if this is a freaky thing, or just normal. And I can't explain it very well.
If something makes me antsy or upset, I can just shove all thoughts of it away. Sometimes it's like a mental shove and sometimes I lock things in a mental box. Once they've been shoved/locked away, it's like what Dinah said. I can forget them, but still know they happened. And they are stripped of all meaning. Sometimes I can take something out of the box and there will be no feeling attached to it. It's just a thing.
But usually, once something is gone, it stays gone. Unless something triggers it off and it hits me all over again and then I need to work at locking it back up.
Normally locking things up doesn't take any thought or effort, it just happens. It's only recently that I've been able to consciously lock something away.
But it's a lot more than that. My feelings are compartmentalized too. I get all antsy just trying to write this. Sorry, I can't expand on this point.
I think too that my identity is compartmentalized. I know that everyone has a variety of identities/faces, eg workmate, daughter, mother, sportsplayer, friend, etc. And that these identities are pretty separate. But I kind of get the impression that they should be a little flexible if need be. Mine are completely separate and different and . I'm not explaining this very well. I guess mine are just separated by a fence/wall. Mine are all on different planets.
I just feel wrong inside.