Posted by CareBear04 on January 19, 2005, at 20:45:40
In reply to Re: she canceled. » CareBear04, posted by lonelygal2 on January 19, 2005, at 19:54:52
oh lonely gal,
sweetie, i just there was something i could do for you and someone, a real person of significance in your life that you could turn to.
the borderline stuff is funny. it seems like to be considered just solely depressed, especially after a suicide attempt or self-injury, one must be someone with the very lethargic, atypical kinds of depression or else the almost catatonic melancholic types that old people seem to have more than the young. for girls or young women, being emotional seems to raise red flags of borderline, but i don't think it's fair, nor do i think it's helpful because being young and emotional for good reason doesn't mean that your pain is any less deserving of attention than anyone else's.you're not awful or crazy or that messed up! we all go through times where life or our own minds or self-esteem get us down, sometimes to the point that we get desperate. as for feeling like a phony, i can definitely relate to that. when i was first really depressed in college, i managed to keep up with my responsibilities, which included helping and supporting the freshmen under my care. talk about feeling like a phony! they looked up to me, and i hated myself and knew that i wasn't worthy of their admiration. now i see it differently. i don't believe i'm as great as they saw me, but i do believe that there's something about sticking with your duties and carrying them out as best you can that is truly noteworthy and worthy of respect. i think i tried to pretend to myself that things were okay, just to get through the term, but things really weren't okay. things got much worse before they got better, but addressing my depression earlier on, either through meds or if i had been able to trust and talk to a T, maybe i could have contained the damage.
please don't get down on yourself! and don't let anyone make you believe that you're manipulating anyone. you absolutely deserve to get treatment now, before anything worse happens that will make your recovery much harder. the further you dig yourself into a hole, the harder and harder it is to climb out. if that new T thinks you're manipulating her and can't grasp how desperate you feel, then i say, find someone else now! there are so many Ts out there and the first priority should be to get you feeling better. i know i worry about the BPD dx sometimes, but i don't think it ever really aids treatment. it doesn't do much to guide drug therapy, and it sure doesn't endear you to drs. i really hope you can find someone not judgmental who will treat your symptoms and not your diagnosis, whatever he or she deems that to be.
you are worth it! i hate asking for help, too, but i think it would help. there's nothing inherently wrong with you! you might hate what your disorder has made you become, you might think that you're helpless and worthless because of it, but you yourself are young, have a promising future, and nothing wrong with you that a good pdoc and T can't fix if given the chance. please give someone a chance to help you! and whine all you want and reach out on this board for help, too, because so many people have been touched by your posts and would do anything they can for you. you're in my thoughts and prayers.
poster:CareBear04
thread:444210
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050117/msgs/444441.html