Posted by Toph on December 11, 2004, at 7:50:37
In reply to Child abuse=abuser? PLEASE RESPOND, posted by Notaliseliz on December 10, 2004, at 13:37:08
Notaliseliz, I echo what others have said, including the normalization of childhood sexual experimentation, the "I'll show you mine, if I can see yours" stuff. A child by definition is incapable by definition of legally abusing someone due to their incompetence status, but that, of course does not relieve them of doing something abusive to someone else. Abuse involves harmful coersion, power and control. That you have so much guilt and self-loathing associated with these two events suggests to me that what you did go beyond play into abuse of unwilling participants. It would be important to understand this conduct even if abberrant from who you have become today. Your angst about it is a healthy sign.
If I read your post well, I think you expressed some concerns that this is a symptom of some surpressed memory of traumas inflicted on you or other traumatic behavior you may have subjected upon others. While this theory is controversial, especially after the discovery that some therapist were inducing somehow these memories in their patients, I think the concept makes intuitive sense to me that you could have memories that are so abbhorant to you that your mind will not let you think about them, so then you begin to manifest this mental conflict of imprisoned memories symtomatically.
Another thing to consider is the notion of disassociation. I am no expert on this stuff, but in my work as a child protection worker there were basically two kinds of abusers I delt with. The abuser who harmed another child because of learned behavior having grown up in a culture (family, society) of abuse and exploitation of children, and an abuser who harms another person pathologically, without remorse,and/or in a disassociative state where they flip into some other personality, or most dangerous of all, are those who have the mental capacity to dehumanize others - those lacking somehow the ability to empathically feel others suffering.
I am not suggesting that you have any of this to worry about. You are interested in working this out. Be careful if there is something to discover inside that you have protected yourself from for so long. You must open doors slowly with someone whom you trust by your side. I have a sense that you are a moral, caring individual who will be more at peace with yourself some day.
-Toph
poster:Toph
thread:427284
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041210/msgs/427693.html