Posted by daisym on October 3, 2004, at 15:18:00
In reply to Help! I don't understand my T, posted by Speaker on October 3, 2004, at 13:57:48
Speaker,
I could see so many sides to this, so it is really hard to sort out. On one hand I can see why he would want to watch it with you, get your take on it and have his questions answered "in the moment." Also the powerful emotions it might trigger could be useful as a spring-board. BUT, since you said you didn't want to watch it with him, his initial offer of a compromise seemed appropriate.
I know there are some schools of thought that believe that you have to preserve the therapeutic frame of the scheduled time, even when reading things or, as in this case, watching things. That is so you don't give the client the "dangerous" impression that you think about them between sessions or have all this "free" time on your hands to utilize. OK, I'm being sarcastic but I have read that some therapist really do chart their time like lawyers...the meter is running for each client. So they try to structure activities involving that client into that client's paid time. It is an economy of time issue as well as a money issue. AND, I think they worry about the potential for manipulation on the part of the client, trying to insure that the therapist thinks about them between sessions. In my business, we have built in "prep" time for each client, so we can review reports, notes and other things we need. I don't know if this is true beyond the 10 or 15 minutes at the end of the hour for therapists. I had a therapist tell me once that she only reads email during sessions, she actually leaves her clients in the waiting room to read anything they've sent her since the last time they saw her. I think this is extreme. But it could also be seen as protecting their time too. Imagine if you have 40 clients and they all send you emails that take 5 min. to read and 5 min to respond to, you've add in 400 minutes in a week. That's almost a whole day!
Like most things, it feels pretty complicated, all this worry about what consciously or unconsciously the client is trying to do. And then we worry about what they think we are trying to do. Ick!
I think the most important factor here isn't the tape any more. It is the fact that your feelings are hurt and you feel manipulated into doing something you clearly said you didn't want to. He should have cleanly said he wouldn't watch it without you. Not gone back and forth. It speaks to your relationship, your trust and what you need/want from him.
If it were me, I'd ask for the tape back and tell him that it had grown into a different issue for you. And then I'd try to sort out the issue by clarifying his policy and how it makes you feel. I'm reminded of something I say to my new home visitors, "they don't care what you know until they know you care."
Do you think you can talk to him about this?
poster:daisym
thread:398543
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398583.html