Posted by Daisym on October 2, 2004, at 13:11:31
In reply to Re: Hurting, posted by LittleGirlLost on October 1, 2004, at 15:40:57
>>>I'm afraid to cry, and usually am not even in touch with any feelings, but they are so close to the surface now that it scares me too<<<<<
Which is probably why you are hurting so much. My therapist would ask, "what would happen if you let yourself cry? What are you afraid of?" And I almost always answer that I'm afraid I won't stop. Or I'm afraid to give into all of this. But mostly I'm just afraid of crying because it was so forbidden when I was a child.And crying alone really stinks. So maybe you feel the need for your therapist to know about your tears, to know you are hurting and to know that therapy is opening up a wound that bleeds between sessions.
When I started therapy, I would fall apart about 4 hours after sessions. I wrote tons about that here, looking for ways to force it to happen during sessions. I never did figure out a way to force that. Sometimes we touch on really tender spots and I can get those feelings up and out right then and there. But usually I get whammied later. Someone here wrote that this was probably a good thing, because if you were overwhelmed with the feeling in session, you couldn't talk and you couldn't hear. And then you couldn't heal. I've hung on to that.
All that said, it really does help to figure out what you can do with these raw feelings in between. I write, here and in my journal and emails. (and I write and write and write.) I also read, especially case studies. My therapist teases me about looking for the answer in a book. It's true! I also clean house like crazy and bake when the anxiety is really high. There is something soothing about cinnamon in the air. (Yes, I have a coffee cake in right now. My teens love this.)
And, yes, I'm going to tell you to call her and tell her what you wrote. Or at least bring it to the next session. Because this is important. You don't want to be hurting so much that you resist opening up even further, because you don't want to hurt so much...it can be a bad spiral.
Hugs help too. Even Cyber-hugs.
(((LittleGirlLost)))
poster:Daisym
thread:397934
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041002/msgs/398281.html