Posted by alexis6 on September 10, 2004, at 23:26:09
In reply to Re: My therapist terminated me by an email-what to do? » alexis6, posted by crushedout on September 10, 2004, at 22:49:18
> Alexis,
>
> What happened sounds very painful and shocking.
>
> Whatever the reason was that your T terminated, I think it's unlikely that he chose to end treatment because of anything you did or did not do. It seems that he was having so much trouble treating you that he (probably correctly) sought supervision and seemingly followed the advice he was given, good or bad. Maybe he was having trouble maintaining a professional relationship with you. (Does that ring true for you? If he seemed cold and distant, perhaps it didn't feel that way to you.) For all you know, he could have been treating someone who was closely connected to you, and can't disclose that info to you (because that would be a breach of confidentiality).
>
> In any event, I think he owed you a better explanation, even if he had to sort of make something up to do that, and I also think he should have done it in person or by phone rather than in an email. I also think you are probably better off seeing someone else, although I can imagine you don't feel that way at all right now.
>
> I hope that helps a little. Keep posting about it.
>
> crushedoutThanks so much, you are all being so nice here. I was fortunately able to meet with another therapist who seems very suitable for me the day after this happened and that helped a bit too, one of his three referrals. She was shocked that he referred me to her-she had met him only once, years ago, and it seemed telling that he didn't refer me to therapists he actually has any professional association with-I'm sure he wouldn't want it known how he'd terminated so ineptly.
She did tell me what, as she saw it, most likely happened-he fell in love with me, was cold to avoid exhibiting his feelings, and then when he couldn't handle it he freaked out and did something very unprofessional, but fortunately not as unprofessional as might have happened if I'd continued therapy with him. I felt much better to have my being so upset validated by her-I thought I must have some serious issues to be so broken up over this.
So if that's the case it's sort of a good thing it happened, but it still hurts a ton and it was done in the most horrible way. I have a hard time accepting what she said, but he did seem to get nervous when he had to sit near me or things like that, and I thought it was all in my head but I could swear he started losing weight and dressing better....I'll probably never know for sure. I thought I didn't really have sexual feelings towards him, but I started to doubt that because he seemed to look rather better to me so I thought it was sexual transference or something. I also preferred to have 6:00 appointments (his last) due to work etc-I didn't understand why that seemed to bother him until after this happened. I had actually gone into therapy with the expectation of having sexual feelings for my therapist, it seems endlessly bizarre that possibly it was the reverse.
I hate it that I'll never know for sure, I'll never be able to just ask him what happened and it's hard to accept that. I guess I could be vindictive and file a frivilous complaint for client abandonment or something, but it wouldn't resolve anything so I doubt I'll indulge in that-I hope he doesn't repeat this with another client, though. I've gone on about this long enough, thanks for your support!
Best, Alexis
poster:alexis6
thread:389416
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040905/msgs/389480.html