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Re: Complimenting T/getting compliments from T » asya

Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2004, at 17:12:44

In reply to Re: Complimenting T/getting compliments from T, posted by asya on August 27, 2004, at 13:28:35

Perhaps they make you feel uncomfortable because they're too global?

My husband and I did a lot of reading on parenting when my son was little, and there was a lot of emphasis (especially in Montessori, I think) on not giving compliments that are too broad.

So if your child brought you a picture, you didn't say you are a wonderful artist, a fabulous person, anything like that. You complimented the picture. I like the way you used color. I could tell right away that that was a horse - I think it was great how you used lines to show it was moving. Or you complimented the effort it took to make the drawing. I don't recall the precise reasons now, but I think they were along the same lines. Global compliments are hard to believe but specific compliments tend to build up over time and give a child a sense of confidence in their ability to do something.

I must confess to not being really good at that. I tend to tell my son he's wonderful. :)

But I think my therapist read the same books. I don't recall him using global superlatives when describing me. He won't tell me I'm wonderful, intelligent, etc. But he might remind me of things I've done that would imply intelligence. Or tell me of my specific strengths. He'll reassure me that I'm ok as I am. He'll tell me he likes me as a human being.

Or maybe he just doesn't think I'm worthy of superlatives. :))

 

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poster:Dinah thread:382972
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040828/msgs/383402.html