Posted by fallsfall on August 23, 2004, at 19:05:40
In reply to Re: Transference Insight » fallsfall, posted by lonelygal on August 23, 2004, at 17:28:42
> if you are calling this transference, does that mean that you are acknowledging that he probably isn't trying to be critical and you are being hypersensitive OR are you still not sure if he is really in fact being critical and you were right to begin with?
*** I know that he cares, and I know that he is skilled. After a session, I can sometimes look back and figure out that he probably didn't mean to be critical of me.
For instance, he said "If you pull a muscle doing yoga, you shouldn't stop doing yoga forever, just do it more gently"
I heard "you are an idiot for not going back to doing yoga"
The next session I was able to ask him "Did you mean that it might help me if I tried yoga again?"
He said "Yes, isn't that what you heard?"So, after the fact, I can put together what he said and what I know about his motivations and who he is - and I can come up with a more accurate assessment. But at the time, I am just devistated - too busy trying to survive to think about it rationally.
These days he will say something to me, and I'll get quiet and he'll ask "Did you hear that as a criticism?". Last week he said something and I said "Why shouldn't I hear that as a criticism?" He answered "Because it wasn't meant to be a criticism..."
I don't think that I could work with him if I didn't think he WAS on my side. He demonstrated very early on that he really did care and really did want to help. This is so clear to me, that I can go through months (yes, months) of agony with him, and still know that he cares. I know that he has my best interests at heart.
>
> regardless, i think it would be really hard to work with a therapist who you perceive as being 'not on your side'. i dont' really have any special insight, but i hope this relationship does get better for you.
>
*** Thanks. I do believe that it will get better when I am healthier - that the pain in the relationship is due to my illness, and that the only way to get healthier is to work it through with someone like him.
poster:fallsfall
thread:381354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040821/msgs/381484.html