Posted by daisym on July 20, 2004, at 1:35:44
In reply to Re: I think I'm afraid to go today » daisym, posted by Poet on July 19, 2004, at 23:25:45
...but most of me stayed quiet. I was very lucky to have Dinah and Fallsfall and Shadows talk to me in Open. They helped me hang on until it was time to go. I told my therapist how hard it was to come in and he wanted to know how I managed to make myself since most people would have cancelled. I said my friends pushed me. He said I have wise friends. :)
He wanted to debrief last Thursday and I really tried to stay with it. But it was apparent after 10 minutes that I was going to keep floating out the window unless we did something different.
I said, "new subject."
He said, "Ok, tell me your favorite baseball team."
"Don't have one. Tell me yours."
"Nope. then we'd be talking about me and that wouldn't be helpful."
"Today it might!"He let me skate for awhile and then we ended up talking about sex and the effect therapy has on it. My homework (I'm allowed to take my time on this one and NOT share it if I don't want to) is to describe my idea of the perfect sexual encounter. I got this assignment when I said I'd never really thought about what I liked best. I have to think about what I want, or think I might like...not what I'd do to someone else. I think I blushed about 22 times today. He kept saying not to worry, he has heard it all...so I told him to write it out and then I'd have a plan and directions!
It's funny, the adult who didn't want to go ended up doing most of the talking today. But I think that I talked to control things and I avoided what really needed to be worked on. So, of course, I had another melt down immediately after our session. I called like I'm supposed to, after a push from Fallsfall,(we are "experimenting" with a touching base as needed concept, which means I've promised not to struggle on my own, but to immediately cave in and call him, even if it is just to say "I miss you." He is trying to get the adult part of me to get out of the way and let the kid part of me learn to trust the attachment.)
He called back and we agreed that the kid part of me is not finished processing Thursday and we didn't give her room to talk today. He noted that she really, really wants to feel close to him. So "we" are invited back tomorrow, which is exactly what she wanted. And he said if I start to freak out about coming in, I'm supposed to tell the adult that she doesn't have to stay, he's happy to have a session with the younger parts of me all alone. In fact, he thinks that might be really interesting, to not have the gate keeper there at all. Like that is going to happen...
Thank you all for the support.
I love you guys!
poster:daisym
thread:367853
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368081.html