Posted by rs on July 5, 2004, at 10:29:15
I am having a difficult time right now. Trying very hard in therapy and out to face what needs to be done. Many years in denial about all inside and the painful things of what happen. I cannot turn back now. Does it hurt? Yes much. Work FT in which lucky to have a great job with wondeful people. I am in general a people person. Not that I am bragging but everyone gets along with me. Probably because I listen to people all the time if they need to vent and am honest. Anyway I am lonely. I cannot share the real me with anyone. They would not understand and would be scared to loose them. Just not possible to do this. Yes many times I say or do something weird but they just laugh at me as something that I would do. Laugh not being mean. Yes my husband is kind of understanding but not really sympathetic. I hurt. I never thought that healing would cause this much pain. I have a wonderful therapist who is very helpful. But so much different feelings and confusion inside that am like wanting to withdraw from therapy. The more exposing myself in there the more wanting to run. Again it hurts.Scared that T will get tired of me and stop seeing me. It has been one year now. Insurance was covering both visits but only one now. The second one T has lowered his rate much and lossing like many dollars. If I loose T it will be major problem. Sometimes feel like I should stop before rejected. I feel so so damaged that cannot be helped. Not feel but reality is that I am very damaged. I am tired and weak. Searching for that strong independent person that I used to be. I want to be taken care of. It hurts so much on how weak and needy I am right now. Fragile inside in many ways. If I could afford it I would search out for an intense in patient program to work on theese issues that are hurting right now in life. I go to therapy twice a week and at this time it is not enough. My job is a demanding job in which requires much of me giving and filling peoples request in many ways. Do I feel at times will not survive this? Yes but know have already.
I know this is long and probaly just a bunch of words but to anyone who reads it thanks.
All of you here are great people with much support.
poster:rs
thread:363196
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040703/msgs/363196.html