Posted by karen_kay on July 1, 2004, at 20:16:20
In reply to Question for Karen_Kay, posted by pinkeye on July 1, 2004, at 16:57:42
i used to have a bad crush on him. but, we talked about it and talked about it and talked about it some more. eventually, the transference went from me having a crush on him to me seeing him as a father figure of sorts. then (after talking about it and talking about it), it went away entirely. and there wasn't a 'replacement' crush or anything like that (i used to tend to get crushes on authority figures and whenone was replaced, the feelings for the last one went away on their own).
i'm completely over bubba, but it took quite a bit of talking (honest talking mind you, not 'i think i like you'. i think i once (dear god!) even told him 'i like to get what i want and right now, i want you.' he reminded me that it wouldn't happen of course and i was furious!), exploring why i 'wanted' him (because he listened to me and didn't ignore or invalidate me), and many replies like 'nope' or 'won't happen' from him before i worked through some of the reasons why 'this type of thing' kept happening to me.
is it possible to see your ex-therapist (or telephone sessions) for a while? or, if not, cut off contact with him (or are you not in contact with him right now?) completely and it may simply go away on it's own.
it took me a while to be completely honest with him about how i felt, ect. but, once we kept discussing it, it went away. (thank goodness!)
actually, i was jsut thinking of sending him a thank you card, because i have yet to do so.
i wish i had the answers dear. maybe telling him exactly how you feel will make it go away. (oh, another thing that may or may not have helped is that i kept telling him to help me get over this crush and he decided thta the crush was helpful, so i'd keep working hard, keep going at therapy... perhaps a key was accepting the crush was ok and almost encouraging it. i think that once he 'stopped playing so hard to get' it took the fun out of it... remember though, i had a pattern of this in the past (my friends often remarked that i was able to get a crush on anyone)...
poster:karen_kay
thread:362354
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/362401.html