Posted by tabitha on June 27, 2004, at 13:59:16
In reply to Protecting ourselves. Chapter 1, posted by fallsfall on June 27, 2004, at 9:53:26
good for you falls. It is a thorny issue. You are having good insight, and doing things to take care of yourself.
Did you ever go to CoDa or read codependency movement writings? There's some good stuff there. The main way I do caretaking is by editing myself, avoiding saying or doing things that I think might upset others. I'm not really the 'fix it' type so much. Mine is more passive variety caretaking. It leaves me with a lot of anger, especially when I encounter people who don't seem to edit themselves to avoid upsetting anyone.
I almost went too far with it though-- thinking that any caring or helping was unhealthy. That comes up for me in my group-- I tend to see unhealthy caretaking where nobody else sees it-- including the T. There must be some middle ground. Afer all, if all helping was unhealthy, then the caring professions wouldn't exist. I have a hard time with finding the 'gray area' too. Maybe it's OK to care or help, as long as I don't get invested in the outcome? That's when the anxiety level goes up, when I expect to get a certain outcome that of course I can't control.
poster:tabitha
thread:360933
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040624/msgs/360999.html