Posted by Racer on June 22, 2004, at 11:55:48
Now, for anyone I've encouraged on a similar subject, please remember that I'm in a pretty extreme situation. This is NOT a retraction of anything I've ever said on this subject, it's ... complicated, 'K? I still truly believe that therapy can be successful beyond your wildest hopes.
There. End of disclaimer.
As I've posted before, my earlier therapy really did end my trauma over certain events of my past. Those events no longer torture me, they're in the past, emotionally as well as chronologicaly. I've come to terms with them, I've grieved them, and they're over. Truly over.
The current situation I find myself in, though, has brought some of the same sorts of emotions up again, though, and I'm having a hell of a time trying to deal with them. Now, I'm not talking about the same EVENTS bringing them up, these are totally new events. They have to do with the agency through which I'm receiving care, and without insurance, and with the County insisting that that agency is the only entity that can initiate any sort of transfer (they won't -- my husband has been in contact with them), I'm pretty well stuck there.
What's happening right now, with the information my husband was given yesterday and passed on to me, I'm devastated. What it feels like to me is what certain events of my childhood felt like. And I'm reacting the same way I did then. (Emotionally, at least. I'm rather proud of what I'm actually DOING, but the emotions are unbearable.) It feels, once again, that I'm being asked to cooperate with my own abuse. Now, that statement sounds melodramatic to me, and I don't want to go into the details of what happened to me as a kid, but I do want some input from someone who has experienced successful processing of traumatic events, only to have similar emotions come up again later over something else.
The worst part of this is that, as you all know, I've had one session so far with my new therapist. I want -- desperately -- for this to work out, not to screw it up, but asking her to put out this fire instantly scares the bejesus out of me. My experience with starting from CrisisPoint is NOT a way to build a good, trusting, supportive therapeutic relationship. I'm afraid that this crisis is going to interfere with that relationship, and doom it to failure from the start. THAT fear is a separate issue, though, and I've got a call in to the clinical director of the agency that she works through, to talk about alternatives to deal with this crisis.
So, has anyone here dealt successfully with something, only to have the emotions come back attached to something else? If so, and especially if you didn't have a therapist to turn to at the time, how did you react to it? How did you get through it?
Thank you so much!
poster:Racer
thread:359032
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040614/msgs/359032.html