Posted by karen_kay on June 5, 2004, at 20:49:00
In reply to Speaking of transference (long), posted by gardenergirl on June 5, 2004, at 18:31:10
hello dear.
your post sort of struck a chord with me. my mother behaves very similar to the way yours is acting. i remember calling her once from the hospital (due to low blood sugar because i'd been eating rice for a month) and telling her i was in the hospital. her exact words were "well, what do you want me to do about it?" a few days later she did give me money (but i wouldn't ask her for it. she had to offer because i have a problem accepting things from her. not to mention, i was down to my last cup of rice. and rice, though unhealthy, is a great diet :) my sister gave birth alone (they lived in the same city, a different state where i wasn't able to travel and my sister had no friends) and when my mother finally did show up, it was only to get the keys to her business. and of course she yelled at my sister for taking them and not being able to open for her. that's the only time my mother came to see her in the hospital.
while it still makes me very sad not to be able to depend on my mother when a daughter should, i realize there are other things my mother is very good at. she does things in her own way. she flew me out to see her (unheard of! my mother, send me to come visit?) after i was hospitalized for an attempted suicide. she didn't say to me it was because she was worried, but she did say it to other members of the family. and she has said she's proud of me a few times, but i've heard from many other people that she is very proud of me, and that she even told them she was proud. i don't expect her to attend my graduation, she'll be working just like last time i graduated. but, i do know my sisters will be there. even so, it would mean so much to me if she were to show up!
enough of me bad mouthing my mother :) but, i've honestly realized that my mother is great at many things (just not always the things i'd like her to be great at). she's the strongest woman i know and i could only hope one day to be that strong. she is able to help me with my taxes. and though she doesn't always say it (or show it the way i'd like her to) she loves me very much. and i've learned to get the 'motherly' support from my older sister rather than my mother. she's the one that strokes my hair when i cry in front of her. she's the one that gives me advice when i need it. she's the one that is more of a conventional mother to me and my sister.
while i still want my mother to act like a perfect mother, i know her limitations. so, i've found someone else to take over those duties. is that a possibility for you? it was a rather easy transition, since my sister helped raise me as a child. and i still hold out hope my mother will be there for me when i need her to be, but i also know to call my sister first, just to avoid getting hurt in situations where i don't need any more pain.
poster:karen_kay
thread:354107
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040603/msgs/354134.html