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Re: Post Traumatic Stress Disorder**trigger**

Posted by shadows721 on May 24, 2004, at 15:19:38

In reply to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, posted by starlight on May 24, 2004, at 12:08:33

I feel like it should be my middle name, because I have it so bad. Gosh, I know what you are talking about those urges. They seem to come out of no where land. I have them all the time. I am on meds to help the major depression and anxiety. I feel that there is no getting rid of it. It's something that I have to live with. I had it as a child, but no one realized it. I saw shadow naked men walk by my door of my room, but there was no one there! I would hear someone calling my name and no one was there. I had vivid nightmare as a 4 y/o of weird sexual stuff in a red room.

As a teen, I slept with a knife under my bed, because I was thinking someone was going to break into my house. I had dreams of it all the time. (I didn't know that's a typical sexual abuse dream) I had no memory of abuse. NONE. My mind blanked the guys out of my mind totally. As an adult, this has played Hell with my marriage. Suddenly, I would think my husband was someone else. The urges are a struggle - to jump out a car, hurt things, etc. The suicide urges are just unreal. Most of everything is a reinactment of a threat or the abuse. It's a life of internal torment. I have Dissociation Disorder too that I am trying to come to terms with. Also, I tend to always feel that tomorrow will never come or that I will be killed at any moment, so I don't put a lot of faith in tomorrow.




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