Posted by gardenergirl on April 13, 2004, at 4:01:59
In reply to I'm scared of going to sleep., posted by utopizen on April 13, 2004, at 1:18:58
Oh I can so relate. I am in grad school, and I still try to do all-nighters for papers. Of course this is not working for my dissertation. I do the same thing about trying to sleep but obsessing about not getting my work done.
I wish I had a magic wand for us both. What I am finding, though is that the older I get, the less my body can take the allnighters. So I end up turning things in late instead, which is worse.
I have had some luck with two things: first, I convince myself that I am a good enough writer that if I get anything at all down on the paper, I am more than halfway there. This may sound arrogant, and may not even be true, but it helps me to challenge the idea that I must write a perfect or even excellent paper. I just need to write *a* paper. Second, I try to visualize myself sitting at my desk and doing the above. When I can visualize it, I find that it doesn't seem so bad. And I visualize starting it earlier than late at night the night before.
I'm betting you are a really good writer, too, or you would not be able to pull out stuff that quickly. Unfortunately, this reinforces that staying up all night works. If you can try once or twice starting early, even if you say you will only do it for 10 minutes at a time, it may help. You can do anything for just 10 minutes. And you may find you want to keep rolling.
About the incompletes and F's. I've been there, too. My first undergrad experience I dropped out without ever officially withdrawing. I got all F's for that semester. I have had to write letters explaining that ever since whenever I need to send transcripts somewhere. I eventually did get my bachelors and have been moving on since...
Society seems to think that we all have to do this in four years right out of high school. My own thought is that I would rather have my degrees when I am 50 even if it takes that long to get them versus never having them at all because I couldn't do it right out of high school. I simply was too young, immature, and I believe depressed then, too. It felt really awful to call myself a college "drop-out" for many years, but that didn't mean I wasn't smart. I did feel guilt and shame, and I wish I could have shared the graduation bond with my peers. But I was bound for a different path. And I am happy on it (at least as happy as you can be while in grad school). ;)
I hope hearing my story is helpful and not really annoying. As for sleep problems, can you consult a doc who specializes in sleep disorders? Maybe go to a sleep clinic where they can help you get your cycle back? Help you practice good "sleep hygiene"? (what an odd term)
Take care, dear. I know there is a lot going on and a lot to be scared of. Try your best to find out as many options as you can for yourself. And then choose what is BEST for you, and to heck with what others may think. They may be disappointed or angry, but those are their own reactions. You need to think of yourself right now.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:335812
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/335831.html