Posted by pegasus on April 9, 2004, at 19:15:29
Sorry I've been missing from babble recently. I've been travelling a lot for work. But I'm trying to read when I can.
So, today, leaving therapy, I was pretty much convinced that it's not going to help me, and I should just save my time and money. I could use a reminder why I should stick with it, if any of you feel up to such a task.
Here's my story: Been with this T for 3 months, and we've been covering a lot of ground in that time. Some of the things she has said have been helpful.
Today, we were talking about kids, and I asked her if she had any. She said, no, I don't have any right now. Which stopped me in my tracks. Don't you always have kids if you ever had them? Did she used to have kids, and they died? Did she just mean that they're grown up? Has she never had kids, and just didn't want to give me that much info about herself? Did she disown her kids? Was she a foster parent, and currently doesn't have any kids? Should I not have asked that? It seemed like a weird little intro to a complicated story. I looked at her, and she had a carefully arranged expression that I couldn't read.
I thought of my old T, who was so open, and then started to really miss him. Trying to build a new relationship with this T seemed suddenly so hopeless. So, I just got kind of quiet, and we didn't really talk about anything for the last 15 minutes. At the end she asked me if I had anything else I wanted to say to her, and I said yes, but then I couldn't figure out exactly what to say, so I just left.
So, now I feel icky. I'm not sure if I said something wrong, or if I was expecting too much, or what. Therapy doesn't feel very safe to me. I'm not as optimistic that I'll be able to do good work with her as I used to be, and I'm really, really sad.
Which seems crazy, because what's the big deal after all? A lot of therapists are like that. I'm tempted to cancel next week, and take the time to reconsider my options, but I've never cenceled before, and it's so reactive, and I don't want to be like that.
I could use some wise words, if anyone has some.
pegasus
poster:pegasus
thread:334620
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040409/msgs/334620.html