Posted by fallsfall on April 8, 2004, at 7:17:22
In reply to Re: back from the hospital (may trigger), posted by toomuchpain on April 8, 2004, at 0:34:13
>the pain got way to much to handle and it just isnt getting better !!!
*** I'm sorry that you have to deal with such pain. And you are probably right, that it's not ready to disappear. Please try to keep a realistic view on what has happened, and let the blame fall where it belongs.
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> my former t called me and i spoke to him about what he is doing to me basically i told him that i couldnt handle that pain from him callin me and that he needs to stop ... he said he never meant to hurt me but he is worried about me ...i dont understand ... if he is so worried about me why cant he underdstand that he is the one causing my pain ....that if he would leave me alone and let me move on withm y life things would get better for me..he should have never started the termintion thing awhile ago if he was so worried about me dont u think ??*** Absolutely. You are seeing this VERY clearly. He is WRONG to call you. He has BIG BIG problems of his own (emotional problems - I'm not talking about him being suspended from his job). Try to see that these are HIS problems (that are causing you pain). You have done the right thing. You are looking in the right direction.
*** Can you decide that you will not have contact with him? The clinic has already said that he should not contact you - that should help you to know that it is GOOD if you do not allow any contact. Can you tell yourself that if he calls again, that you will hang up? Do you have caller ID? Can you let your answering machine answer the calls until you know who is calling? But if you can decide that you DO NOT WANT TO LISTEN to anything he says, then you will be better able to protect yourself. If he calls and you answer - hang up immediately. Don't tell him not to call you, don't tell him that he is hurting you, don't tell him you are going to hang up - just hang up the phone as quickly as you can. If he leaves a message on your answering machine, as soon as you know it is from him, delete the message. Please try NOT to listen to the message - just delete it. The Clinic said that he wasn't supposed to contact you - You can help that happen by disconnecting if he does contact you. Hang up or delete immediately!! And then call the person from the review board and report that he contacted you again, and that you want it to stop.
*** If you can talk this through many times, then you will be better able to act quickly - before his voice has a chance to lure you in. You KNOW what is good for you. Set up your own boundaries and enforce them. You can take care of yourself by denying him access to you.
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> i dont know what i ever did to him or anyone else for that matter to make this happen to me !!!i never wanted to hurt him through the whole grivence thing... alll i wanted was for him to learn a lesson before he got his self in worst trouble ... i guess i am just a bad person .... i gave my all to him my trust my heart my soul... and he has torn it apart time after time ... it is not fair.... maybe i am just going crazy ... or maybe i already am .. who knows... i want to say that things are going to get better but for now i cant say that cus i think it is only going tog et worse*** Toomuchpain. You did NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING wrong. You didn't want to hurt him. You behaved as a patient is supposed to behave. You did the right things. HE did the WRONG thing - this is HIS responsibility, not yours. He behaved unethically (and continues to be unethical). You did the RIGHT thing to file the grievance - the committee TOLD YOU THAT YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. He hurt you, and he has probably hurt others before you. He was in a position of trust and he violated that trust. It was very brave for you to file the grievance, and it is TOTALLY unfair for you to be suffering still. The fact that you are still suffering just underlines that HE is trying to HURT YOU. And you certainly don't deserve to be hurt. You are NOT bad - it seems to me that you are very good. You cared enough about other people to go through the pain of the grievance process. Please know that you are a good person.
*** I wish I could tell you that it will get better starting right now. It will start getting better when HE starts to behave himself. He is hurting you, and HE has hurt himself. You were his patient, and he didn't take care of you. You did nothing wrong. But, Toomuchpain, I DO TRULY believe that it WILL get better for you. Because you seem like a really good person. When he stops trying to hurt you, then you can start to heal.
*** Keep the clinic informed about when he contacts you. Call your new therapist when you are distressed - I would think that it would be fair for you to call her everytime he calls YOU. Don't suffer alone. And please remember that this is HIS issue, not yours - and it is so unfair for you to have to bear this pain for HIS issue.
*** HANG UP, DELETE HIS MESSAGES. I'm cheering you on.
poster:fallsfall
thread:332765
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040402/msgs/334015.html