Posted by mair on April 2, 2004, at 23:14:38
In reply to Re: No where to go from here (rambling) » mair, posted by Poet on April 2, 2004, at 22:06:28
Thanks for all of the suggestions. Of course they all make sense.
No I don't really want to quit therapy, and the irony is that we spent a lot of my most recent session talking about how the process with her has been more positive than my work with other therapists. But later when I was reflecting back on my session, I had a different take. She's been very critical of my last therapist's decision to take me on as a patient even though he was starting to edge his way into retirement. So she's been going to some lengths to reassure me that this isn't going to happen with her. I'm not sure I needed the reassurance; I'm certainly not worried about whether she's going to retire; she's too young to and has too many tuition bills in her future. Anyway, when I finally had some time to think about things today, I was overwelmed by this feeling that I must be truly pathetic to need this level of sensitive handling; to be as guarded as I am, and to get hung up like this to the point where I see no out. I'm high functioning and I have about as bland a childhood background as anyone could have. It's pretty ridiculous for me to be as difficult to treat as i am.
I wrote the letter because I just felt I saw things so clearly this afternoon. I think she knows I'm pretty conflicted, but in spite of her promises to see things through with me, I've talked enough lately about quitting, I wouldn't blame her at all if she made no attempt to change my mind. And I also don't want her to think this is all some sort of sophomoric test because I really felt I had given myself no other alternatives. I just feel bad about mailing the letter today because if she picks up her mail tomorrow, she might feel like it's something she needs to deal with this weekend.
And no, I really don't have any other support. If I tried to talk to my husband about any of this I'm sure he'd act really bored or only half listen to me while he watched television or read the newspaper and then he might say something helpful like "I don't know why you still go to therapy anyway."
Mair
poster:mair
thread:331846
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040402/msgs/331972.html