Posted by Joslynn on March 28, 2004, at 17:50:59
In reply to Re: It sounds like he's just disorganized » Joslynn, posted by jane d on March 28, 2004, at 12:28:11
Hi, thank you all for the insightful posts. I think it's true that it is more his own overwhelming schedule and disorganization.
I am usually not a very rigid person regarding dates, times, etc (I'm INFP on Myers Briggs) though I must be organized on my job. I think it bothered me with him because I am just waiting for him to abandon me. And I want to feel special and it goes into all this other stuff.
The thing is, with only one exception in the three years I've gone to him, he has always been there for me when I really needed him. And he apologized for that exception and said it was his fault and that he wouldn't let that happen again. It didn't.
I guess I get confused in my head between routine calls and "I'm melting down" calls. I know I placed a routine call that does not really require an immediate response, yet with him, nothing is routine in my heart. It is not routine for me to bear all my insecurities to an older man, not for me. So when he doesn't call back about something routine, it feels personal, even if it wasn't personal. It's all personal when you feel so attached and vulnerable!
Also, I like the security of having my appointment with him in my calendar, and when it's not there (even if it's because I am the one who had to cancel) I feel kind of lost and floating around aimlessly around the stratosphere.
I like to know I have that appointment set to hear his calming voice. He has a very calm, gentle voice, even the receptionst at my work commented on it, and she doesn't know he's a shrink.
I want to be special to him and sometimes I think I am but other times, like now, I realize I am just another patient, no more, no less.
It's very confusing, but thanks for the posts. I've decided I'm not going to call again until after April 1st. Then I will decide what to do.
poster:Joslynn
thread:329413
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040327/msgs/329549.html