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Re: I'm really not liking this... » Karen_kay

Posted by fallsfall on March 24, 2004, at 8:46:15

In reply to Re: I'm really not liking this... » pegasus, posted by Karen_kay on March 24, 2004, at 8:08:46

Ah, Group. It can be a unique and challenging experience.

In two of your responses, Karen, you mention that you have your own issues relating to small town prejudice ("hit a bit close to home", "I suppose I'm a little bit bitter about that experience and should try to work on my own bitterness.").

Groups are often effective in illuminating these kinds of issues. The original speaker had his own issue - and hopefully there will be some balance that comes from the group where other viewpoints are raised and everyone can moderate a little and come closer to the center. In this case Group did exactly what it was supposed to do. An issue was raised, and through discussion of this issue you were better able to understand and examine your own views of this issue.

I'm really sorry to tell you this, but it sounds like the Group is working just like it should. I'm a little worried that everyone agreed with him, that can be a problem (but one which you, Karen_Kay, can be instrumental in solving!). One of the groups I attended was too supportive (and not confrontational enough) - and I think it could have been more valuable for all of us if there were more disagreements so that we were forced to look at the issue more closely. Karen, you are not one to keep your mouth shut if you disagree. This will be good for the group. Speak up when you disagree. I also attended a group that was too confrontational. I was quite fragile at the time (just out of my first stay at the hospital) and I felt overwhelmed and beaten up in that group. I hope that you can help your new group find that middle ground, where people care and are supportive, but also say what they really think. It is quite a challenge to find that line.

Each group member should have a time to speak about their own issues. Some groups try to give each member a slice of time in each session, but if there are lots of people in the group (more than 4 or so) there isn't time to get into the issues if you do that. Other groups sort of informally keep track of who hasn't been heard from (but it is the quiet member's responsibility to step into the lull in conversation and start talking), and try to give equal time over the course of a month or two. For many group members, being able to take the "floor" in group can be their biggest challenge. Knowing when someone has finished talking and knowing how long the silence should be before you start a new topic can be really tricky - because different people have different time schedules for that. As the group gets to know each other, hopefully you will get to know each other's rhythms and will be able to share the time more equally. But MOST issues that other people talk about will have SOME relevance to you (even if it just reminds you of a different issue that you have). So find the relevance, and then all the time is useful.

It takes a little getting used to. I think you did fine.

 

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