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Re: Therapists and compassion/interaction-Peg, Pfi

Posted by spoc on March 18, 2004, at 22:09:15

In reply to Re: Therapists and compassion/interaction spoc, posted by pegasus on March 18, 2004, at 18:43:21

Thanks so much you guys! I'm new here and hope I end up helping some people feel better too, as your words did for me.

Pfinstegg, I learned a lot from you. It will be of untold value in what I look for -- and get -- next. I didn't know any of that. As I mentioned way earlier, I kept myself naive going in, thinking I'd do better without "preconceived notions." Boy, was I wrong. NOW I see why I was meant to end up on this thread! :- )

Pegasus, I scaled down to requesting a meds-only relationship with that pdoc, since he should at least know me well enough by now to better address any meds with me. I want that only until I make a switch. I hope at least that much can come from this, but so far looks like he defaults to straight SSRIs. Which I told him during my initial inquiry haven't worked before and I'm not interested in using again, at least alone.

I "only" saw him for close to three months. I hear that's nothing for those experienced in the sometimes daunting quest for help. But it was my first and way late real effort, after hitting an amazing new low for a year. I was vulnerable and needed a degree of warmth, any degree, at least initially. I was not unrealistic or expecting a quick fix by any means. And I know this is the chance we take and I have probably only just begun to understand the horrific associated debt, but I have no insurance coverage for this and an urban pdoc twice a week for (45 minute) hours added up to say the least. Would have been well justified debt to carry if it had been at all helpful, but now will be a longstanding and painful reminder of failure as I pay it off.

It's hard to make peace with this kind of experience because you keep telling yourself they're the expert, and that after all, it IS supposed to be unconscious stuff they're unearthing. I tried relentlessly to corral things in his favor. Now I try relentlessly not to, since it would only have taught me to let someone else tell me who I am on all counts. And to be submissive, even when the other party is wrong and it's making me sick(er). But I do think his posture is well within the spectrum of what happens out there. Maybe some analysts dispense with the nuances of a proper and fair technique/approach over time, but with them are in reality throwing away the ability to end up studying what they think they are studying in the patient. Rather, they are adding factors and skewing the results without knowing it.

Thanks again both of you! ;- )

---------
[Pegasus]
> Holy smokes, spoc, that sounds horrible! I'm so sorry that you had that experience. So, am I correct in understanding that you are no longer working with this person? May I ask how long you were with him? Frankly, I'd report him to the BBB or something. Someone let me know if I'm just missing how something like this could possibly help someone.> Spoc, I hope you have an opportunity to have a much better therapy experience in the future.>

[Pfinstegg]
> Oh, Spoc -what a horrible experience! He was obviously not aware of all the amazing things which were learned during "the decade of the brain" (the 90's). You sound like you have a lot of positive things going for you, and could easily have a wonderful therapy experience with the right person. The relational aspects are now consider so primary in importance, that, when you look for a new therapist, why not interview several, and ask them questions about how important they consider it? Find out how comfortable and skilled they are with the new interactive techniques. Take your time, and don't sign up for therapy with anyone until it feel intuitively right to you. You're the consumer, and are entitled to the best!

> PS I had a bad prior therapy experience, also, so I began learning about the relational aspects on my own. The analyst I chose knew a tremendous amount about it, and has since shared with me new things as he is learning them. I feel that I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that right hemisphere mutual interaction is THE curative factor. It can be taxing on the therapist, so you want to evaluate at the beginning whether you think they will be able to provide you with a really good experience.



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