Posted by Penny on March 6, 2004, at 11:17:52
After much discussion with my T about the last session with my pdoc three weeks ago, when I left feeling like he was upset/frustrated/whatever with me, I didn't even want to go see him for our scheduled appointment last night. But I did. And at first I didn't have much to say. Didn't really want to open up to him. Was afraid of what I might hear. He did the "Are you worried about something? Are you feeling sad? Is everything okay?" and I just mumbled, "I'm fine." or made a non-committal sound and avoided eye contact... :-)
Finally, I decided that I would try telling him what I had talked about in therapy - about how I felt like he was upset with me at the end of the last session. About how part of me wanted to call him to clear the air, and my T recommended that I wait to speak to him in person. About how I wanted reassurance that he cares about me. About how a large part of me wanted to cancel the appointment, but I was afraid that he would let me, that he wouldn't care, and that I knew that was childish but it was how I felt...
His response? He smiled and asked me if I did indeed want reassurance - I said, "Yes" - and he said, "Of course I care about you. I want good things for you." and so on. He said that emotions are not adult and mature - they're the same emotions we had as infants and young children, and my fear of his being upset with me (which he wasn't) was understandable, and my fear of abandonment by him was understandable. And he was glad I was working on it with my T, and he was glad I felt like I could discuss it with him, though he would certainly respect my decision about whether or not I wanted to do that, as he's not my 'therapist'. But he was glad I was discussing it with one of us at least. And that if I had cancelled, he might not have called me immediately, but he would most certainly have called me to find out what was going on if he didn't hear from me shortly thereafter. Because it would make him wonder if something like this was going on. And I had said to him, "I know you don't encourage transference with your patients..." and he said, "No, but especially with this situation, where we'd been meeting weekly for so long, it's bound to happen..."
Anyway - now I have the warm fuzzies for him again. :-) I feel cared about - which is so important - and he doesn't have a problem reassuring me. I told him that he handled it exactly the way I had hoped he would, and feared he wouldn't. Yay.
And between my wonderful warm caring pdoc and my wonderful warm caring therapist, I feel like the luckiest girl in the world right now...
P
poster:Penny
thread:321104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/321104.html