Posted by fallsfall on March 5, 2004, at 12:25:46
In reply to Re: Do you have a picture of your T?, posted by Apperceptor on March 4, 2004, at 23:46:39
I am one of those dependent patients who has a picture of her therapist (it was on the internet).
Clearly my dependency is a core issue - in fact dependency is what brought me into therapy 9 years ago. I believe that I will be able to make progress on this issue - and become less dependent (and less of a burden on my therapist). But it is a slow and painful process. Until I get to the point where the dependency is reduced to a managable level, I have to have some way to survive. I *need* a connection to my therapist to survive - that IS my pathology. I think that having his picture is much less intrusive to his professional and personal life than if I called him every day. I can think of other ways that I could "connect", but I really think that having his picture is something that makes it possible for me and him to survive until my dependency is under control.
The picture I have came from a professional site where he was essentially advertising his services as a therapist. It is a very formal portrait that completely captures his "blank slate" look. When I look at or hold the picture, I can feel the comfort and safety of his presence in my life. It helps me to internalize him so that I can get comfort from him - without having to bother him personally. It is in my control.
I have never felt sexually attracted to him (but I'm not really sexually attracted to anyone - maybe that is another issue). But I am sure that those who end up in erotic transferences have a similar story to mine - and need their therapist's help to overcome the issues that make their attachment so intense.
We do talk here a bit about how most of us who post here do have, and do need, experienced therapists. We are not typical therapy patients. We tend to have more severe problems and more complex situations that a "typical" patient. Typical patients don't feel the need for a support group around their therapy. I believe that, in therapy as in all other professions that I know of, it is best to begin one's career with simpler more straight forward tasks, and then gradually add the more challenging elements in. If a therapist started out with someone like me - I would think that I would be quite overwhelming (and in fact, I was overwhelming to a therapist I saw for 8 1/2 years - she had about 7 years experience when we started). But, even though I would dearly like to, I can't solve these issues immediately and make my therapist's life easier. These issues are WHY I am IN therapy. It is incredibly painful, and leads to feelings of hopelessness, to be told that you are an unacceptable patient BECAUSE of the issues that brought you to therapy in the first place.
There are many different kinds of clients with many different kinds of issues. Therapists have their own strengths and weaknesses. I believe that finding the right "fit" between client and therapist is essential. This allows the therapist to work within their comfort zone where they will be most effective, and allows the client to make progress and feel successful.
However, it is not always possible, in the beginning, for anyone to *know* what the issues and behavior patterns of the therapist or client are. I had 7 years of effective CBT therapy before I started to overwhelm my therapist. *I* changed (I got past the initial issues and started exhibiting my more serious core issues). In this circumstance, there needs to be an honest reevaluation of the fit between the therapist and client. In her defense, my old therapist was justifiably afraid to refer me out - I *would* have had an incredibly intense uncontrolled reaction (which probably wouldn't have been particularly theraputic for me). But it was also untheraputic for me to stay in a relationship that had become hurtful instead of helpful.
I think it is important for (new - and old) therapists to assess where their strengths and weaknesses and interests lie, and look for clients that allow them to work effectively while giving them opportunities for (managable) growth. I would just stress that if a therapist finds that they are in a situation where the are *not* able to be effectively helpful to their client, that somehow they need to help the client see the reality of this and help the client move on to someone who can be helpful.
My current therapist (Psychodynamic, Psychology of the Self) deals easily and effectively with the same transference issues that overwhelmed my old therapist. This is because they had different training, different interests and they are different people.
Yes, we can be a bit challenging. And I can see why we could feel threatening to therapists from time to time - but that's WHY we need the therapists. And I wish that I were never a burden to my therapist. Right now, I feel fortunate to have a therapist whose skills seem to be helpful to my issues.
Apperceptor, you have your own set of strengths and skills. There are many clients in the world who need the help you can give them with your own unique assets.
I would ask that you try to understand that people like me are not "bad" for having the issues that we have - we are ill. Fortunately, there are therapists who thrive on helping people like me, and there are also clients who need the kind of help that you can give.
poster:fallsfall
thread:319365
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/320660.html