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Re: Boundaries vs Enmeshment » Karen_kay

Posted by Kalamatianos on January 6, 2004, at 5:39:27

In reply to Re: T's can't instill boundaries without having some, posted by Karen_kay on January 5, 2004, at 19:35:56

Enmeshment = impossible to see where "you" end and "they" begin, including a lot of overlapping.

Boundaries can be subtle. For children, boundaries might seem abrupt and harsh since they lack the wiring to be able to process "subtle". When did you start using the word "subtle"? I was "un-subtle" most of my teen years.

Codependency is more than just enmeshment. Codependency is "rules based" because of the childhood roots.

DEPENDENCY is a reflex or impulse that keeps us alive till we can take care of ourselves. Continued into adulthood, it can kill us, or make us feel so stuck we might feel dead. Have you ever known a forty yearold still living with his Mom?

Can you see the difference between feeling obligated and feeling free to choose, when, and if? Obligated is one-way, usually parent to child. There might be mutual obligations but each is one-way.

Enmeshment of Codependency is locked-in by obligation and obligatory thinking. Obligatory thinking has no options. Children cannot process optional thinking, but they can FEEL obligated; and they do, mostly.


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poster:Kalamatianos thread:296879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040102/msgs/297034.html