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Re: Panic attacks *because* of therapy? Still Hurting

Posted by All Done on January 4, 2004, at 3:40:25

In reply to Re: Panic attacks *because* of therapy?, posted by Still Hurting on January 4, 2004, at 3:10:52

> First let me say how privilege you are in expressing your feelings to your therapist without getting booted. When I choose to tell my therapist how I felt about her I had the privilege of being booted from her services with security guards placed to ensure that I never came back.
> Recently I realized the power in revealing my feelings for her. Oftentimes I try to pretend as though I don't need anybody. For me to tell her that I needed her was a great breakthrough for me. That should have been commended instead of reprimanded.
> But yet, I remember sitting there in the waiting longe waiting for her to come. I would sit there with all kinds of thoughts running through my mind. Thoughts of rejections. Thoughts that I'll bore her to death. Thoughts that if she could be seeing another client, she'll probably rather do that. I would sit there hoping that somehow I could entertain and amuse this therapist so that she didn't look at me as a bore. Because of these thoughts I'd experience anxiety sitting there as I waited for her.
> Now, look at your thoughts. See if that is what you are experiencing. Take a journal and write down every one of your thoughts as you wait. Whatever it is that you are thinking about is causing the anxierty. Then counteract those subconscious thoughts with positive thoughts and soon you will see your breakthrough.
> For even better therapy, tell your therapist what you are experiencing.
> Like me, you probably see your therapist as one to receive acceptance, praise and affirmation from. And the fear of him not seeing you the way you want and need him to see you can bring about the anxiety.
> Be encouraged, you are great. And it doesn't take your therapist to tell you that.

I'm so sorry about what you've gone through. I truly believe that time (at least in some ways) heals all wounds. Hopefully, that will be true for you, as well. I also hope you have found or will find a new therapist to help you work through all of this because you were very brave and it's disappointing that you didn't have a therapist who could deal with transference issues.

From what I've read here, it sounds like my therapist is doing a pretty good job and I'm really thankful for that. I did tell him that I was feeling very anxious the past few days and tried to explain why, but I just couldn't find the words. I did say I was worried about what he thought of me. Do I bore him to tears? He said no. Does he think I'm stupid? He said no. But he wanted to know if I wondered what the flip side of those thoughts were (i.e. does he admire me?). I told him I would have to think about that - the words just weren't coming out.

I appreciate you giving me the idea to write my thoughts down in my journal. I do keep a journal, but don't usually write in it "real time", so to speak. I feel like I'm just learning to recognize any of my feelings for what they truly are. You mentioned counteracting the thoughts that are causing my anxiety with positive thoughts, but I'm not sure how to do that. Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks, again, for your post.

Take care,
All Done




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