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Re: Or to put it another way..... » mattdds

Posted by Dinah on December 27, 2003, at 9:58:34

In reply to Re: Or to put it another way..... » Dinah, posted by mattdds on December 27, 2003, at 2:19:20

>
> To me, this does not seem like your emotion changed first, but your *cognitions* surrounding the emotion changed, then a subsequent change in emotion. Did I get this right? You realized that you can be angry and still have a caring relationship. No?

No, not exactly. First I felt the anger, and felt the caring. Not until I was able to feel both at once, and recognize that I was feeling both at once did I entertain the cognition that I *could* feel both at once. The feelings came first, recognition of the feelings brought about a change in my thoughts. No one could have convinced me that I could feel any differently (changed my cognition on a fundamental level) until I *had* actually felt differently.

Now, I suppose you could say that that resulted from behavior therapy, except that I hadn't done anything really differently than usual. I hadn't forced myself to behave differently. I just got a different response to the behavior I normally exhibit. And that different response allowed me to feel differently. And feeling differently allowed me to think and behave differently in the future.

That can happen in other places than therapy. For example, when I switched to a new high school, I didn't behave differently, but I found that the students were more accepting. So my feelings about school changed first, then my thoughts, and then my behaviors. But in therapy, it isn't happy coincidence, it's a planned endeavor.
>
> This is so true. If you're feeling a certain way, you are more likely to think certain thoughts. Same is true if you are behaving a certain way, you are likely to feel and think certain ways that would correspond with the behavior. Emotion-cognition-behavior is a complex interplay, not a one way street. Any honest CBT-ist will admit that. It's kind of like one big equilibrium problem in chemistry. The equation can go back and forth. The problem is that we really only have *direct* control over a couple of variables - behavior (most obvious) and cognition.
>
> I find it really hard to change feelings directly. I've tried relaxation, yoga, acupuncture, etc, all to no avail. The only form of emotional control that I know of is the control of my metacognitions surrounding my mood state. But this is still indirectly controlling emotion, and it follows a change in cognition, in my view.
>
Well, in my humble opinion, relaxation, yoga and acupuncture probably work on the body part, not the feelings part, just like biofeedback.

> If you know of any reliable methods of directly changing emotions, please let me know. I'm not being sarcastic here, I'm serious! This would be the missing link for me. Because in the end, we all just want to *feel* good. Period.
>
I don't think therapy works quite that directly. My therapist would be the first to admit that I can't decide to wake up feeling happy and excited tomorrow. But therapy does provide a controlled environment designed to change your feelings. Not global ones, cerntainly. But in small increments.

> But this is the reason I sought treatment...I can't directly control my emotions. I can accept them, and not catastrophize about them. I can control the metacognitions that appear surrounding them (acceptance paradox, not magnifying). I can even pry my butt out of bed after 2 hours of sleep that was interrupted with panic attacks and attend a pharmacology exam (behavioral activation), despite my horrible mood.
>
Yes, and all those things are wonderful, and very helpful. That's why I think CBT should be required for everyone.

> But for me at least, there is no knob or button to control my emotions. That's the whole problem!!
>
No, there's not. And I certainly can't say my therapist can help me control my emotions directly. But there are reasons for many of our emotions. Some are purely cognitive, but others come from our life experiences. And sometimes the emotions that come from our life experiences are best changed by having new, different, life experiences. Admitting something that we have always been ashamed of and feeling the person with us exuding acceptance can help us let go of the shame. Growing up in a household where it was necessary to perform to receive attention and "love" leave us feeling that we are what we do. Feeling someone accept us without the necessary performance first can help us feel differently about our worth. The therapist is providing us with new experiences and helping us feel differently. Once we start to feel differently it affects our thoughts and our bodies.

Oh, by the way, I wanted to clear up something I said in another post. I don't in any way think that having my OCD brought under control by CBT caused my mood disorder. I do think that OCD masked, diverted, and drained the energy from a previously unknown mood instability. Not completely true. My mood instability was obvious in my early teens but was rigorously under control after that point. The OCD was possibly a side effect of that control? Or a mechanism that helped the control? At any rate, I was too out of touch with my feelings to recognize the mood instability. And ironically, one of the things CBT for anxiety disorders does is try to get you in touch with your feelings. :)

Ok, can some others with better examples or who might be better at explaining the processes jump in here?

 

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poster:Dinah thread:293462
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