Posted by Kalamatianos on December 21, 2003, at 23:54:51
In reply to Re: Denial is avoidance, posted by tabitha on December 21, 2003, at 5:24:29
Thank you for responding. You make my point. Grown-ups (old but not living as adults yet, because they were never taught how to) get into lots of trouble using childhood problem solving skills. Of course we see mature-looking people freeze at the sight of danger; getting bored when their expectations are not met; being terrorized by new and strange looking people or things. These are known childlike reactions.
A child’s mind may be full of wonder and curious, but only when they have permission. Parents historically cannot manage children successfully without having the children obligated to them. The children in turn would flounder without the parent, as a dependency-object couterpart to obligation.
According to recently published neuro studys, a child's world has a residual 2 dimensional, black and white nature to it. Of course they see in 3 dimensions and bright colors, but unless the memory is rehashed in the child’s brain, within 4 days the memory goes into a dim 2 dimensional and black & white version of what really happened. This is for the normal child. No one talks about a pattern for the abnormal child's memories.
So, if I were normal, I would see something, and 4 days later it would be a 2 dimensional, black and white scene in my memory; a story about what happened. I would be remembering a distorted story about what happened, since what I saw was in color and 3 dimensional, but what I remembered was 2 dimensional and black and white. All this if I'm normal.
It became clear to me after studying what the neuro people were saying about childhood memories, that I piled on normally (God given) distorted memory on top of distorted memory. After awhile, I then saw my information base was ............. tainted!
I humbly let go of my tight grip on all that 2 dimensional, black and white knowledge. I was 41 years old when I decided to grow up and live as an adult inside my 41 yearold body.
Today I discover instead of avoid. Today I respect the danger I used to fear (giving me options to act, instead of freezing my feet). Today I accept whatever I used to grumble and complain about. Today I plan, make goals, and make personal contracts, instead of waiting around for my expectations to be fulfilled. Today I take responsibility for what I used to shame and blame. Today I love instead of seeking approval by acting within my obligations. Today I listen, instead of demanding attention by coercion or violence.
I might be an adult today. What do you think?
Again, thanx for responding. ….And do all have the best Christmas possible, seeking goodness, truth, and beauty.
poster:Kalamatianos
thread:291827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031221/msgs/292270.html