Posted by zenhussy on December 18, 2003, at 17:47:57
In reply to Well?? It's morning!! » zenhussy, posted by shar on December 17, 2003, at 11:44:50
> Where is your brilliant commentary on the wonderful and logical considerations that were given you last night??????
> Nah, really, you don't hafta say nuttin! But, I do feel concerned about you leaving group.
> SharOk. Feel more grounded after a good night's sleep. I'm sick of this double whammy of therapy with group one night and individual the next day. Even athletes get days off! I need a rest.
Part of what I presented to my therapist---
From Herman’s Trauma and Recovery: (ISBN 0-465-08730-2)"Different types of groups are appropriate at different stages of recovery. The primary therapeutic tasks of the individual and group must be congruent. A group that might be well suited to a person at one stage of recovery might be ineffective or even harmful to the same person at another stage.
First-stage groups concern themselves primarily with the task of establishing safety. They focus on basic self-care, one day at a time. Second-stage groups concern themselves primarily with the traumatic event. They focus on coming to terms with the past. Third-stage groups concern themselves primarily with reintegrating the survivor into the community of ordinary people. They focus on interpersonal relationships in the present. The structure of each type of group is adapted to its task." p.217
I know I’m obviously in the second stage but perhaps not in a group that is fully congruent to my therapeutic goals. Yalom’s “adaptive spiral” is great but I do not have many of the issues the other members of the group have. We all boost one another by relating in a way but I will never be able to relate to their experience while they can fully relate to mine. I want to be in a group where people know EXACTLY what I’m talking about when I describe a flashback, a fear, a nightmare, a panic attack.
"...group treatment complements the intensive, individual exploration of the trauma story, but does not necessarily replace it. The social, relational dimensions of the traumatic syndrome are more fully addressed in a group than in an individual treatment setting, while the physioneurosis of the trauma requires a highly specific, individualized focus on desensitizing the traumatic memory. Both components of treatment may be necessary for full recovery." p. 232
I just wonder how much this group is helping now instead of returning the focus to the individual.
~~~~~
>>Dinah--"I suspect that very few of us really know the impact we have on others, apart from family perhaps."Major part of having one’s reality discounted, questioned, not validated or what have you has left me with the sense of not mattering. I know logically that I do. I’m just used to slipping away unnoticed, or so I think. I guess I don’t go unnoticed.
The reactions of the women shocked me. I felt awful when I realized what I must have done even though I still am trying to fully grasp it. One burst into tears, another couldn’t speak, the third looked as if she ‘left’, and the other looked as if she had been punched in the stomach.
I received feedback from all but one of them. Wrote down what I could remember. Have been working with those thoughts and trying to apply them to me. Sometimes it feels as if this is happening to someone else. That is the dissociation part I think. More awareness means I have a better chance of learning to use other methods and stop using this as my ‘go to’ method by default.
>>Shar--What in the group precipitated my sudden decision to leave? Rhetorically, of course….well…it isn’t as if I haven’t always questioned the fit of this particular group all along. Without getting too specific it just isn’t limited to the type of trauma that I experienced but also includes women who’ve experienced a completely different type of boundary violation that doesn’t even begin to enter into my experience. Sometimes it is more difficult than helpful to hear week after week (fourteen months worth with a break when I was out in Canada) of this type of trauma. I know there are overlaps and am aware of the positive aspects of sharing my experience within this type of environment…however I’m wondering if I can’t continue on with the work I’m doing in another type of environment.
I’m not sure yet of seeking out another group more closely fit to my needs or just tacking on an additional day of therapy a week. Maybe even using the money I used for group for luxury therapies: hot tubbing, massage, kickboxing classes, etc. Things that just seem like luxuries when the money isn’t coming in and you’re doing without some essentials……..pride be damned. I’m learning a continuous lesson of humility.
As for the next part of your post: Are you getting too close to something? Is someone else getting too close to something? No I don’t think I’m in the running away from this mode. I’ve been facing this stuff head on in individual and able to speak more than I’ve ever been able to before. Yeah, too close……flashbacks are scary. I had two last week that were of the nature I’d rather not experience again. It has been a long time since I’ve had them. I guess I had mistakenly thought that I had moved through that stage of healing and was now grappling with a beast of a different nature. I guess this beast morphs. I’m not avoiding questions. I’ve been able to stay present 95% of a two hour group session. Considering the nature of the work I was doing that day that is amazing. Couldn’t have done that even a year ago.
>>Tabitha--I do trust my therapist. I’ve been handing over the pacing thing to the therp. and pdoc because I’m not doing very well charging at this full tilt. I’ve had the ‘this isn’t the right group for me’ discussion before probably each time the group began (each twelve or sixteen week run) and ended up going with staying on in group. I’m now doing a different level of work in individual and just wonder if I can’t sustain that level of work without the pros and cons of being in a trauma group?
I don’t think it is unhealthy to trust your therp. From what you’ve written about your group experiences it sounds as if you’re in the place and ready to tackle the issues that a group like yours brings out. I’m quite proud you’re facing things head on even when you don’t feel like doing squat. You’re doing more than you think just by challenging yourself in that type of environment.
>>Fallsfall--You’re not only half here these days. Shush. I haven’t written about my group because it is difficult to do so without disclosing too much of my personal story here on the board. I can only allude to so much and somehow that doesn’t feel right.
Sudden decisions can be good or bad. I don’t know how much of anything to chalk up to the med switches I’ve been constantly going through for the past couple of months. How much is the nature of the traumas I lived through? How much is from the hospitalizations before and after? How much is due to my new awareness of the extent of how much I use and have used dissociation?
Nothing is written in stone. I don’t have to decide until the group comes to an end anyway sometime in February. If I decide to stay I will, of course, hash out the fallout of just what the hell happened with me blurting out during my turn that basically ‘I’m outta here’. I see and know that I did have an impact on the other people in the room. I never even imagined or thought of that being the reaction or of how this could be hurtful. I’m not that inconsiderate so I really do have a lot of work to do to understand and change why I believe I just don’t matter/count/exist.
>>Judy1--I hope the meditation proved to be helpful. I’ve certainly benefited from meditating more over the past while. It must be quite the challenge to find time to meditate with that little one of yours!
I’m really not down on this group due to the people, surprisingly! After years of retail I’ve learned to have quite the loathing for other people and to be confined in a room and HAVE to listen to them?! It does sound crazy when it is put like that!
It isn’t how the people are but more of the extent of the differences between their experiences and mine. The overlap used to be enough but now I’m wondering if it isn’t hindering what it is I want out of my healing path. Oh so many questions.
Gonna go meditate on the beach while the dog runs about in the surf. Om.
>>Speaker--Well thank you for thinking I’m brave. Group was scary as all get out at first. Hell it was scary just this past round when it began. I only knew one woman from the previous incarnation of the group and was meeting four new people. No matter that I knew the therapist, the structure of the group as far as how it ran, how time was handled, what was and wasn’t allowed, it still was a scary beginning.
The first group I attended a few years back was like a baby steps group for survivors of abuse including domestic abuse, rape, emotional battering, physical assault, robbery. That experience was helpful in getting me to the stage I’m at now to be able to talk about what I couldn’t for so many years.
Back then I was dissociating most of the time. When talking about anything to even do with the night of my traumas I was robotic and removed. I couldn’t even be in my body almost two decades after the assault because I was still so terrified.
That group was very much a first-stage group.
My group experience for the past fourteen months? Ups and downs. I was nervous when I stepped into the room for the very first time but it quickly became a very safe space in which to do many types of healing work around trauma. The structure set up by the therapist is very formal and really helps keep everyone on course.
This is a second-stage group. Closed membership. Set times and commitment to being there for entire time. Therapist interviews potential new members if there is an opening in the group. People need to be at a certain level in their therapeutic work to be in a group of this nature. It is not for the faint of heart. I’m rather steeled to the stories I hear each new round when someone new joins. I can’t believe the things done to women. The horrors endured for years on end by some.
So one really needs to have a strong sense of boundaries and ability to not take on other’s stuff. If I hadn’t had years of therapy and done the EMDR work then I would never have been able to hear the things I do each week and still return. I am responsible for my work and issues only. What other people do or do not do is their business. I cannot change what they went through but I can change how I react to hearing about it now.
Let’s see…the positives? Well I happened to be in this group when a long term relationship ended abruptly and if I hadn’t had the support of the women in the group I do not exaggerate to say I could have died. I had a lot of medical issues including my depression being terribly bad back then. They saved my tush. I mean literally. Fed me, had me stay at their homes with my dog because it was too painful to stay here while my ex was moving out. I was devastated by this and in poor health before it happened so the support of the group was fundamental to my survival back at the beginning of this year.
The structure with the time allotment really kept things moving and balanced. I think just the challenge of attending and being accountable to the other members of a group was one of the first things that I benefited from.
Watching other women so far ahead of me on the healing journey and learning from them by example. Learning by listening to them over the course of months and seeing firsthand their progress. Watching others asking for what they needed, unapologetically too! That to me was an eye opener. I learned that I could ask for help and have people say no without it being the end of the world. I learned that I could ask for help and be amazed by the love and support offered up.
I’ve learned to reach out when I’m really in trouble instead of isolating or returning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. I’ve learned it is okay to trust. I’ve learned to cry….I mean just last week I sobbed my eyes out with a guttural cry that I wasn’t aware needed to come out.
So if I haven’t rambled too much I hope I’ve helped put some positives on one type of group experience.
~~~~~
Damn that was a lot of writing. I wrote this all out longhand because I wanted to really think about the questions raised and get this down in my journal. So excuse all spelling errors as I just don't care enough to deal right now.
zh
poster:zenhussy
thread:290771
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031213/msgs/291360.html