Posted by Dinah on December 9, 2003, at 17:21:26
In reply to Re: Why does secure feel so insecure? » Dinah, posted by DaisyM on December 9, 2003, at 17:09:07
> Just because you have a secure dependency doesn't mean you are then capable of functioning without it. Or want to.
You're absolutely right. That is why secure feels so insecure. I need to remember that distinction.
>
> That said -- this is one of the hardest things I struggle with in Therapy! Creating a depency that must end at some point seems self-destructive to me, perilous almost. But, I am insecurely attached, as I have noted. I've spent at least 1/2 of today going over the same thing:
>
> "Call. you'll feel better."
> "Nope, don't call. What is it you think he can do for you anyway. You'll just look childish."
> "But he said call if you need him."
> "Just because you feel like screaming doesn't mean you need him. Control yourself."
>
> And on, and on...
>
> I'm the pup chasing her tail!You sound just like me a few years back. And to some extent, still. I was telling my therapist today how utterly dangerous it feels, at my more rational level, to allow myself to feel dependent on someone who has no real ties to me.
And I used to have those internal dialogues, too. I even used to call him, cancel the call, reinstate the call, etc. But the thing was that by the time I was doing that, I was already attached. I was fighting a losing battle to try to fight a done deal.
poster:Dinah
thread:287279
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20031202/msgs/288102.html