Posted by HannahW on September 17, 2003, at 12:32:10
In reply to I am really so very confused. (long), posted by kara lynne on September 16, 2003, at 22:19:23
What concerns me is how this therapist seems to be focused more on himself than on you. The therapist is supposed to put all of his own needs aside and focus exclusively on yours. That his job, and that's what you pay him for. A few examples:
>...that I was making it sound as if he were some sort of voyeur or something
This isn't about him. If you felt pried into, he should have respected that and apologized, not gotten defensive.
Was his insistence that you talk about sex appropriate to the conversation at the time? Or did he just seem curious? To tell you the truth, there are a few clues in what you wrote (such as his defending the deplorable bahavior of your last therapist) that make me wonder if he's attracted to you and was acting on that.
>He said it was perfectly appropriate for a therapist with a very attractive client to say 'I'm attracted to you, now what can we do to put that aside so that we can get to the real work'
Beg your pardon? That would be completely inappropriate! A therapist is not supposed to disclose his feelings about a patient, and the statement, "now what can WE do to put that aside" is also totally off base. WE don't have to do anything. It's HIS issue that he needs to work out outside of your therapy session.
>He said I was coming up with reasons to 'blemish' him
Blemish him? Again, he's being totally self-centered in needing you to keep his image sparkling in the eyes of both of you.
>He said almost dramatically--"I'll tell you one thing--I expected this to happen"
He's putting himself above you in a childish, "I told you so!" way. He's making himself feel superior again. He got defensive in response to your feelings (which never should have happened) and he had to regain his authority and superiority. Naturally, in putting himself up, that automatically puts you down.
This guy scares me. He's putting his own needs and feelings ahead of yours, and in my opinion, you're not safe with him. If it were me, I'd run, not walk, out of his office and find a new therapist in a hurry. The sooner you can talk about this experience, the less time it will have to fester in you.
poster:HannahW
thread:260848
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/261010.html