Posted by Dinah on September 16, 2003, at 20:03:42
In reply to Putting son first..., posted by judy1 on September 16, 2003, at 15:06:11
Ahh Judy. I know how you feel. I see all the qualities I've passed on to my son and realize that he's not going to have the easiest life. Of course, my husband passed on a few qualities of his own.
But remember as well that you passed on a lot of the qualities that make you love him so much. We all pass on a bit of the good and a bit of the bad. And I guess all we can try to do is to make the environment a bit better for them than it was for us. Or maybe just make different sorts of mistakes.
But who better to help him navigate the stormy shoals than someone who's been through it themselves? I'm trying to remember what I would have wanted in my own pre-teen troubles. I think I would have wanted my parents to listen and take me seriously, and not to have decided what was wrong with me or what I needed without hearing my views.
You do have to take care of yourself first in order to put your children first. Remember the old oxygen mask analogy. First and foremost he needs his parents. Make sure you do your best to take care of yourself so that you can be there for *both* of them.
And try not to overreact. It bears watching of course. But adolescence is a rough time for everyone. Hormones are swirling. Growth takes up a lot of energy. Things may settle down with age. He's not necessarily doomed to a life of pdocs and med trials. And even if that is in his future (which is by no means certain), it needn't be a disaster for his life. Don't let your fears for his future color his own vision.
Ok now Judy. Deep breath. Muster your strength. Listen to what your son's therapist tells you. Listen to what your son tells you. And don't beat yourself up about what you couldn't help, even if you did pass some traits onto him.
poster:Dinah
thread:260691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/260800.html