Posted by Adia on September 10, 2003, at 22:32:46
In reply to Do I need my therapist to love me?, posted by kara lynne on September 10, 2003, at 14:05:36
Kara Lynne,
Hi...I too feel you are understanding things very well...and that in order to feel safe enough to talk you have to feel cared for and safe in the relationship with your therapist.
I am struggling with trust issues and I find it extremely hard to open up and talk even though I have worked in the relationship with my therapist and I feel cared for and accepted by her..but I can't imagine I could talk about what's happening inside my heart or intimate things without feeling trust, warmth, and without feeling my therapist cares about me and what I tell her/him..
I am not the best person to give advice about this because I am struggling to open my heart and I find it so hard, but I wanted to share my feelings about it...and just let you know I understand..
I feel that the relationship is essential...and to be able to open up you need to feel trust and to have a solid relationship with your therapist..
It takes time to build trust...
I think you should try to tell him that you are not ready yet to talk or open up like that, that you need to feel certain things in order to feel safe to talk..
I have trouble opening up, but if I didn't feel cared by my therapist or I didn't feel warmth between us I wouldn't even try or I wouldn't feel safe at all to share my feelings...I do need her to love me...if I can't feel that then I feel the rest will never work.
I hope you can discuss this with your therapist and tell him how you're feeling and how you need to work on trust and feel safer with him before working on deeper issues..?I wish you the best..
lots of support,
Adia.
> Yesterday I went to therapy and left feeling worse about myself. He kept saying my 'resistance' was up, and that we would get nowhere if I didn't trust him. Specifically when the subject of sex came up. I was feeling deeply depressed and told him I woke up wanting to die--I think there were other things that could have been addressed even though the subject of sex came up (talking about thwarted physical energy, why I'm feeling so sick, etc.etc.). I told him his style felt interrogative to me and it wasn't helping me to talk more. He said what are you here for, you've got to trust me to do the work, yadda yadda.
>
> Well I left and realized what the problem is. I need to feel cared for by him. I've only known him a short while and I can't just launch into intimate details with him without that. I feel like a therapist should be bringing me out more, rather than making me feel more twisted up. Not that it's completely up to the therapist, but that there is a supportive chemistry between us.
>
> I guess this is a kind of therapy that focuses more on 'the work' than the relationship, and maybe I just can't do it. I just realized yesterday how important it is for me to feel appreciated and cared for to feel safe enough to talk.
>
> Is that so bad? Thanks for listening.
poster:Adia
thread:258785
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030905/msgs/258950.html