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Clarity eludes me (rambling)

Posted by Tabitha on June 18, 2003, at 13:39:48

I've been discussing taking a career sabbatical for some time now. The original plan was to quit my job and take a year off before starting another one. I'm hoping that during that time I'd get clarity about what I want to do with the rest of my life (I'm 40 now) including a possible career change.

I've been balking about when to quit. I just don't have clarity. There were a couple things I needed to do, like re-finance my house, and catch up on medical checkups and dental work, that I've nearly finished. I thought I'd get total clarity about when to quit but I haven't. I discussed it in therapy, I gave myself an artificial deadline of August 1 to give my notice.

Nothing really feels right. My therapist said maybe it's too big a step for me, and we discussed some other options, but I just feel stuck. I think I just need to proceed without total clarity, and maybe it's a mistake to quit, but anything is better than staying stuck. I don't want to keep working there, and I don't want to start a new job right now. She asked could I do consulting during my time off, but even getting that set up would be practically like a job hunt.

I just want to quit, but I have lingering fear about losing my income for that time, about losing health insurance or having to pay a lot for it, probably having to cut down therapy or switch to group therapy. The fear is never going to go away completely and I just want to quit anyway even if it's a mistake, I want to do it then if it is a mistake I can fix it later by getting a new job. Right?

My work motivation is lower each day, and I don't want to stay so long that people forget what good work I did in the past, and possibly sabotage getting a good recommendation from them or even, as last chance backup, being able to return to work there.

 

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Psycho-Babble Psychology | Framed

poster:Tabitha thread:234827
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/234827.html