Posted by WorryGirl on January 3, 2003, at 13:19:53
How badly do I need help?
If there is a problem, and you know the solution (along with the whys and wherefores), yet simply are emotionally unable to change, are you a lost cause?
Is medication really going to create that change or just help me to (possibly only temporarily) feel better about myself?
In therapy, I'm told what I seem to be feeling, and how ideally I should feel and have even been given several logical and positive solutions.
Yet I can't change my way of thinking.
I planned on starting this year a new person, yet I feel like more of a failure than I did before.
Why are my feelings getting progressively worse. Is this happening because I'm aging? I'm 36.
As much as I really don't want to, I have had thoughts of obliterating myself. I would never do it, though, because I have 2 precious children and a husband who love, accept and depend on me. I'm not that selfish (and hopefully won't become that way).
I really loathe myself. No matter how many books I read, no matter which therapist tells me the contrary, no matter how much my husband tells me he loves me, I still do. Aside from them, I feel like everyone else thinks I'm a loser/misfit. I have no charisma or wit and my short-term memory is faulty, usually because I'm so stressed out and unmotivated to do anything very constructive.
I would be more than happy to settle for being just an average person, nothing special, but somebody that people like and respect, and someone who comes across as OK.
Almost everyone takes me the wrong way. Even when I try to be positive, smile, don't talk too much, etc., many people treat me with contempt or disregard. It hurts so bad. I'm so tired of crying all the time.....
poster:WorryGirl
thread:2059
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20021230/msgs/2059.html