Posted by Burt on October 5, 2002, at 21:28:49
In reply to My wife is bipolar/schizohrenia. Im left hurt., posted by Spiffy on October 1, 2002, at 10:34:05
Dear Spiffy:
My wife and I just celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary. When we fell in love 20 years ago, I saw her psychiatrist before I saw her parents. With the psychiatrist's blessings, we informed the parents.
Many of the things you describe about your wife and your situation could have been written by myself. There had been several occasions when I seriously considered divorce. Her doctor (who sadly died recently) usually did set me straight in 30 seconds: "Do you love her?" "Yes." "Will you miss her?" "The rest of my life." "So you want to run away from stress and be miserable the rest of your life?" "No."
Now in your case, things seem to be different. Forget about all the stuff she's said. That's part of the disease. It does not matter. Try to forget that she hurt you. It wasn't intentional. It's part of the symptoms. But she has left you. You did not abandon her. If you get a divorce now, at least you do not have to feel guilty the rest of your life. Yes, you will miss her. But a big burden will also be removed. As long as you aren't crazy (and there are countless cases where mental problems indeed were "contagious"), try to see the matter rationally. Forget the past. Ask yourself some hard and tough questions: How will you live with her (if she ever comes back)? How will you live without her (if you ever get her back)? Do you want to wait until someone else gets sick of her and she comes back?
When is enough enough? When you decide. If I were in your shoes, if my wife would have left me, if I knew that she would not be out on the street, then I'd probably see it as a blessing and I might go for the divorce. I know it sounds cruel. But it can be a form of triage where you separate the walking wounded from the ones beyond salvage.
poster:Burt
thread:1192
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020829/msgs/1225.html