Posted by Dinah on August 2, 2002, at 20:26:13
It seems that with every new layer of trust that I reach with my therapist, I get an overwhelming sense of terror.
As I realize that we can get angry with each other and that we can get through it. As I realize that he is not going to decide to give up on me after a certain amount of time. As I peel back layer after layer of myself like an onion, each layer revealing more vulnerability and more of the parts of me that I find more unacceptable, and I find that he still accepts me. After each time I realize I am safe with him I feel an enormous sense of peace.
And every time it happens, I get a fresh wave of terror and an increased sense of fear. I know how tenuous this relationship is, in a way. He could decide to move, or leave private practice. I could run out of money. And I would be very low on his list of priorities in any of those cases (if he thought of me at all). And I realize again how foolish it is to invest so much trust in a relationship with a paid professional.
How can so much trust and so much fear go together?
poster:Dinah
thread:793
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020702/msgs/793.html