Posted by terra miller on June 3, 2002, at 11:13:22
In reply to Re: nights » terra miller, posted by judy1 on June 3, 2002, at 0:24:47
Hi.
> Nights are the worst for me especially if my husband is out of town. Many times I have gone into my children's rooms and slept on the floor
This was definitely me early on. I always felt safer with my kids. If not then I would literally hide under a pile of stuffed animals. There was a stage when I could not sleep in our bedroom at all, and that's when I literally slept sitting straight up on the couch. I had another stage when I could not sleep because I was in such emotional pain unless I was embedded in my bear... which is 4-5 feet big (when you've got a big body, you have to own big stuffies <grin>)
>other times I've taken a LOT of extra meds to knock myself out which I realize is a dangerous game.I still do this. I actually think it is appropriate "IF" you know what dose is appropriate for you and you have your pdoc's approval. I actually get in trouble for not using my meds enough and suffering. But there are times for taking sleeping meds and times for taking panic meds. (It took me 3 years to get to this point of acceptance, by the way <s>)
I also am prescribed meds that you can't overdose on very well. To be honest, it was a depressing day when I read the information and realized how difficult it actually was to end my life by taking too many of my pills. I hated having that way out taken from me, but honestly I think that's the point when I truly became the safest with myself.
>My therp would like to see me twice a week also, but I can barely manage one- I get too worked up.
I used to get so worked up that I didn't think I could make it. We only stayed at once a week for the first month or two and then switched to twice a week because I couldn't make it between sessions. I do have a very strong trust alliance with my therapist, who is a man believe it or not.
>And I know I'm doing it to myself, nobody is pushing, but I do get flashbacks (do you?) and I flip out.
I actually embrace flashbacks now. I hate them every time, but I now view them as ways to get to the stuff that I know nothing about. I figure if I'm not triggered by something, then I will not likely get out what I need to know... it often takes a trigger to pull something up to where I can know it.
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terra
poster:terra miller
thread:184
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20020516/msgs/201.html