Posted by chocamine on November 15, 2008, at 16:53:32
Hi everyone.
I'm posting here in hopes that I could get some knowledgeable information seeing as how most typical bipolar "support" boards are not of much help...
I am a 20 year old male and as far back as I can see, I have led a pretty damn good teenage life (I had some very minor bouts of depression but other than that, nothing really). I have NO family history of mental illnesses on either side.
In May 2008, I started becoming progressively hypomanic with delusions of grandeur and some signs of paranoid schizophrenia. I was not hospitalized because I was fully functional. In fact, it was the BEST time of my life. I felt like a messiah. It was pure euphoria. My social life exploded... I was living the rock star life. Had a solid job. Was well respected.
I didn't really know what was going on but I didn't care.. it was bliss.It all ended in August 2008. I started getting progressively more irritable and anxious and then finally I fell into the most horrible suicidal depression for no reason. No triggers or anything. Life was going perfectly and it seems like it happened almost overnight. I have had to quit my job, cut off contact from all my friends and Isolate myself in my house.
The depression right now is unbearable and has been relentless. It is melancholic, meaning that I literally can feel no pleasure from anything. Not even good news can make me feel different. It is indescribable to say the least. It literally feels like I got a lobotomy. My cognitive abilities are shot. I feel like a zombie (even prior to being medicated). My mind is ruminating over and over about it all because I don't know what the hell is going on. The whole thing feels like an unreal dream. I didn't even know human beings could feel this horrible. There is no "quiet space" in my mind or anywhere where I can feel at peace. There is literally nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. If it continues this way it *will* drive me to suicide.
I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and have been on Lamictal 150mg, Lithium 1200mg and Zoloft 50mg for 2 months now and I have not had any improvements whatsoever.
I am doing all the usual physical exercise, high-dose fish oil, light therapy as well with no improvements.
Something tells me, given that I have had no prior mental conditions and no family history, that this is some kind of freak case. My life was perfect and then all of a sudden BOOM. I really don't know what to think of it. I am scared and confused and it feels like I'm going to be stuck this way for the rest of my life.
Well... I don't know what else to say. Is there anything encouraging I can know?
If any more info is needed please let me know. I just want some improvement... :(
poster:chocamine
thread:863250
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/neuro/20080706/msgs/863250.html