Posted by jlynne on October 9, 2004, at 14:47:27
Mama, I’m sorry you were given a life that was filled with pain and struggle. You never had a chance to relax and enjoy the simple pleasures that come naturally to so many. Your tender heart was scarred so early and you never learned how to feel safe and secure in this world.
If I had been your mother, I would have taken special care to give you the extra nurturing that you required, and I would have protected you from your abusers. But your mother was struggling, too, and she didn’t know how to do things any different.
I had glimpses of the real you, from time to time, but your illness got in the way and even though you were still here physically, I felt that I lost you in my youth; I hated you for leaving me then. Now I am learning more about myself, and as I do I am learning more about you. Your choices were taken from you, but because you lived I am able to create my own choices. Thank you for your courage.
I’m sorry, mama . . . if it had been up to me I would have made you a princess in a kingdom full of love and happiness, and you would have been waited on and cared for, and everyone would have adored you.
I think you knew that I loved you; I could see it in your eyes. I’m glad your death was without pain, and I want you to know that your life was not without purpose. Goodbye mama . . . I will carry on from here.
poster:jlynne
thread:400758
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20040811/msgs/400758.html