Posted by Dena on September 11, 2003, at 9:28:35
In reply to Dena, posted by rayww on September 10, 2003, at 18:43:13
Thanks, Ray.
You know, it's "funny", but I didn't get emotional during the service.
I grieved to the core of myself the day the miscarriage began, & it's felt as if I've been grieved-out ever since.
Before I even had children, & certainly since I've had them, I've always been aware of a feeling (premonition? don't know what to call it) that something tragic/painful would happent to one of my children. And certainly, the more you have, the more the odds go up that something could happen to one of them in their lifetimes... So, long ago, I began to pray that God would prepare me for whatever lie ahead. I believe that He did just that. He enabled me to grieve (I have such a hard time crying in the first place - fear of losing control, etc.), that I was startled by the depth of my grief - I certainly did fall apart that day. But when it was over, it felt complete. Finished.
So, yesterday, I felt no need to cry - I couldn't even "drum it up". I read a letter that I'd written to my baby the day I was miscarrying him, & I felt warmth, but no pain. When my husband read a poem that he'd just written, he cried & had to stop reading. Several of my children also cried (as did several others), but I wonder whether it was grief over the baby or empathy for their father. My husband hadn't been able to grieve yet, so for him it brought closure. My closure had already come.
For me, the service was a statement of faith that my child lives on in the arms of Jesus, & that I'll see him again one day. I feel sadness at our separation, but no longer pain. He's not lost to me, just temporarily separated. I'll have forever to get to know him.
Thanks for your gentle words of consolation. Your kindness to me is a gift.
Shalom, Dena
poster:Dena
thread:258879
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/259023.html