Posted by Sonya on October 11, 2005, at 15:18:51
In reply to Re: Sonya?, posted by Augustina on October 11, 2005, at 14:53:11
Glad you chimed in, Augustina. You pretty much summed up the way I feel, especially about getting happy with more weight loss. But I remember that even in the past when I got down to what I felt was my ideal weight, it didn't particularly make me any happier because I was so scared of not *staying* at that weight.
Sonya
> i hope it's okay if i chime in...
>
> i too have had an ED since I was around 10yo or so and I'm now 38yo. I don't want to let go of this beast either...it's become my life really. And I also have similar feelings of desperation when I gain weight, even if it's "just" a few pounds. The thoughts of how I can lose weight, what I need to restrict, how much more I need to exercise are so time and energy consuming. I feel so much ambivalence towards this disorder...a part of me wants to just not worry about how i look, how much i weigh, how my clothes fit...and just live life in a more self-accepting way. The other part of me wants to keep going with this...b/c if i lose more weight I'd be "happy".
> (at least that's the fantasy i live in). Thanks for listening.
>
poster:Sonya
thread:565144
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20051009/msgs/565712.html